My two boys.. :)

Its lovely to watch him..

When he sleeps, when he dreams, when he is awake.. 

When he drinks his milk to contentment😏

When he laughs, and flashes a grin at me...

And every time a moment happens, we wonder what is going on in his mind, what he sees through his eyes.. And I often wonder if he knew who I was. Perhaps so, perhaps not. But it doesn't matter, he will, in time. :)

Every single day, it feels like a new journey with him as he hits his little tinny-winny milestones, and I'm ever so glad to be able to witness it all. 

I'm blessed to be married to a Singaporean, where I am being granted 16 weeks of paid maternity leave. Four months in total is a lot of time to ensure that the first few months of little bubba's life is well taken care of. 

Of course, on some days, he gets a bit more cranky than usual, but the thing about babies this small, is that they do not cry for nothing. They are yet to be attention seekers. Not this young. So crying means there is a need I have yet to fulfill. And when it gets too overwhelming, I'm so glad that I have my hubbyloo to turn to. Automatically, he would come to my aid and take over my cranky little bubba.

Over the weekends, he lets me sleep longer too, since he is around and he would let me get my rest while he takes care of little one, because he knows it's not easy to care for one little being. 

It's a really lovely sight, to watch my two most important boys in my world play around with each other. Especially when my little Shandon can often play 'coo-coo' with us already. :) It always puts a smile in both our faces. He was very cooperative too, the last time we went out for an outing in a nearby shopping mall. Makes me wanna bring him out more often! :)

They say your kids become your world when you have them. This is very true. I remember I did mention once that there isn't such thing as never and forever, but I beg to differ now, because the love of a parent towards their child will always be there, despite any circumstances. When I leave this world, I leave him as my legacy. He will carry the values that I hold most dear to towards the rest of his days, and he will always have my heart. A mother's love know no boundaries, and now I know how true that statement is. 

I love my boys. 

I'm a happy mom.

Lotsa love. 

Scars for My Boy

I have scars on my body. 

Permanent scars.

Now, when I look at myself, bare in the mirror, there is so much of me that once I had, some, even taken for granted, that I suddenly come to realize, I might never have anymore. 

So much of me has changed. Physically. I've gained so much of weight. Carrying Shandon added 16kg onto my being. 

My first impression of myself, is 'I've grown so much. I never knew I could grow so much.' For one moment, I felt ugly. Round. Unattractive. That once small waist that I used to adorn by wearing a belt on top of my usual black tops that were envy of many ladies, I don't have anymore. I wished I loved myself more. I wish I was grateful for the body I had. Probably should have took more photos of myself being more bare.

My breasts have changed too. My nipples, don't get me started. They are all bigger, to function to produce milk. 

I used to love to wear tight fitting clothes. 

Now, I've chucked all of them in a box to be put away. 

Spent some money to buy loose clothings, you know, to cover the fats I've gained.

So much difference. I feel older too. 

And then. I look at him. 

This little being, no bigger than my arm. 

And I'm amazed by what the human body can do. They say pregnancy changes you. Ohhhhhh were they right.. 

Physical changes were the most prominent. 

But, I found inner strength I never thought I had. 

My pregnancy journey has been.... Let's just say, not so smooth sailing. I got admitted at 27 weeks. My first admission. I overworked myself which led to a premature contraction. 

Then my second one was storied at my previous post. 

I entered the hospital on my 36th week and never came out of there until my little one was born.

It was not easy. It tested my very being. 

I cried. More than I ever did in my entire life. 

I feared. For the one thing that I haven't laid my eyes on yet, but had this unexplainable force of need to protect. 

I feared loss. 

I almost broke down. I teared. 

I had to become independent. Without my dear family. Only my husband. In-laws are not the same as your own family. Although I'm blessed to have the best MIl in the world. And my Sister in-law too, she was ever so caring and supportive throughout the most difficult of times. She could relate to me too, as she is a Mother of two very adorable children herself. 

I remember during the time when I was pregnant, when little Shandon was not putting as much weight as expected, she went to buy me the most expensive durians and asked me to eat aplenty as it is known that durians would add to baby's weight. Baby did grow 200 grams that week. 

I had to be strong. Not once. But twice. Or even more, I lost track. 

I was so fragile.  I suddenly realise that we humans, we are such frail beings. And living in this world now, where 'only the strongest survives', it implicates any form of diseases too, because potent diseases are very potent, and bacterias as well as viruses have evolved so much that when one gets sick from this disease, it would be a full blown, and possibly even worse than that of the same bacteria that would affect the same kind of weak human being, say 10 years ago.

But it is all said and done now, and I'm grateful that the worst is behind me. 

So those marks, those scars, every little piece of it on my body, are the reminder of my own battles. 

Mine, and no one else.

My scars show the determination, to bring a life into this world. 

I have scars on my body.

I am proud. 

Lotsa love. 

HEALTH IS GOLD

Browsing thorough my blog, I realised I haven't penned any notes on my pregnancy journey, but truth to say, so much has happened during my pregnancy period of 9 months, that it would take a lot of my time to pen the little details together.

Perhaps I would write about it when I have more time in the future, perhaps I wouldn't. But for now, I would like to talk about the end of my pregnancy journey, where it ended earlier than I had initially expected, and how, being a patient several times in my life, having warded one or two times prior to my pregnancy, the experience of it all during that final time before we brought my baby out into this world was a really tiring, painful one.

It all started with the breathlessness I often felt whenever I went for even the shortest walk. I believe the breathlessness started from around 7 months, or so. I thought it was perfectly normal, as giving way for the baby's growth would surpress other organs, including the lungs. So, I lived with it, until thinking back, it became difficult to even sleep due to my breathlessness. It came to a point that I had to sleep with two to three pillows to support my back. Sleeping on my right side helped, although I read that sleeping on the left would actually foster better oxygen circulation to my little baby. But I couldn't. It was just too uncomfortable.

Then, I also had very little appetite for mom's cooking. I know, she often asks me to eat the food she cooks, especially when they are all filled with good nutrients that are necessary for baby's growth. But I didn't eat much. Eating dinner every day was a struggle for me. I would prefer outside food better, but thinking back, I felt a bit nauseatic when we went to the city one weekend to eat Japanese food. Then the other time we went to eat in another Japanese dining place, I was struggling to eat my food too. I should have known better it was more complicated than that.

Oh yes, I also had this pain on my back, particularly the upper left side of my back, somewhere in the top-middle. I often asked the maid to give me a back massage. It made me feel better for awhile, but it's all momentarily.

It all worsened on the 20th of June. I was gasping for air at walking from the dining room to the living room. I spoke to sis. She pressed me to call my Doctor. Dr says it sounded more complicated than a pregnancy symptom, as it could possibly mean a respiratory issue. I admitted myself on that night itself. And never came out from the hospital until my little boy was born. 11 long days it was. 

Throughout my stay in the hospital, I was poked so many times. I think more than two dozen times. I was poked so much, I began to be afraid of needles. There was once I was poked at my elbow-bend, and they took out 5 vials of blood to be tested. Then there was this other time that the Doctor couldn't find a vein so he had to poke me again.

I was drained with a lot of antibiotics, most of which were strong ones. I was first started with Augmentin IV,  but then when my fever did not improve, they changed me to Meronem, which is known to be an expensive antibiotic. I should know, I used to work in the company that produces it. Then they had to draw out water from my lungs. Test results showed that there was water in my left lung, which solves the mystery of my constant back pain and breathlessness. A day before the procedure,  I couldn't sleep. I was in a very breathless state, even on the oxygen therapy, I did not feel like it helped much at all. My O&G watched me like a hawk. Every day for twice a day, they monitored my little baby through the CTG machine to monitor his heartbeat and my contraction stress level.

Finally, on the day that the Doctor arranged to remove the liquid from my lungs, they also checked on my little baby's amniotic fluid. I felt much much better after the liquid was removed. They lied me on my sides and poked me with a tube to drain out all that water. I think it was 500ml of liquid, initially the Doc was estimating it to be at 200-300ml. I was awake through the whole procedure. I could hear the Doctor clearly when he drew out the water from my dear lung, it sounded like someone who held their bladder for forever and then went to the toilet to release everything out. Then they tied a "pig tail", which meant that they left the syringe hanging upon the pleural space of my lung to draw out any more access fluid. That's when the short, sharp pains started, and it lasted through the night.

That night itself, my Doctor came to visit, the result tests were out, and my amtiotic fluid dropped to 1.85, which was danger zone for my little baby. She requested to remove the baby that afternoon itself, but I couldn't do it, as I was still weak from the whole procedure. I asked if we could wait until the next day, and she was agreeable to it. "First thing in the morning", she says.

At the end of the day, a good amount of 800mls or more of liquid were drawn out of my lungs. Oh my Goodness. 

I'll continue penning when I have the time. 

Little Thea

I wanna write about my little Niece. 

Her name is Thea Allyshea Low. 

And I swear, she is the cutest little baby girl ever! She has the lovely eyes of my dear sister, and long eye lashes from her daddy. She's got ample hair too, dark brown, owning most of the amount to the 'Low' side-they are known to be 'hairy' people. She's got big fat thighs, which very obviously resembles the Chongs (me, for example), and chubby feet (like me hahah) and has a very cute nose and lovely chin. Chubby cheeks definitely, a mini Michelin baby from the total baby fats that she has. Ohhhh such a darling. 

And recently we discovered her newfound talent- She loves to sing..! A chatterbox herself, sis says she loves having her daily 'conversations' about how her day went when grandpa comes home and sees her. Also, she would automatically wake up from her sleep when she senses grandpa's presence. Is it a baby's 6th sense or what?? 

I'm so blessed for technology now, because it makes FaceTime possible with my beloved family members. I call them every day, FaceTime them on most. And to be able to see that little munchkin grow to that little beauty that she is, it's such a blessing. Bro has a nickname for her, 'Burrito', simply because she likes to be wrapped like a burrito when she first arrived into this world. She has a definite character too, whereby she creases her eyebrows when she sees someone that she doesn't really like, or if she is not in the mood. 

Let me share some milestones that she has come about to achieve. 

This video is when she is able to flip herself successfully for the first time. 

This photo is when she is chilling. As u can see from this video, she is dearly, dearly loved by all at home. I guess it's normal, especially when our home is built from the foundation of much care and overwhelming amount of love love love. 

My Brother dotes on her very much, so does the rest of the family. 

And there is this video when she ate her first solid in her entire life, not Long after 6 months. :) Everyone in the family is in the living room was present in witnessing her first solid food intake. And when she first opened her mouth to eat, the whole family squealed in happiness following her every movement. Lol, can't stop watching this over and over again. Now she's learning how to eat carrots, apples, etc. 

Having a baby is a real gift. 

It's when one person can subconsciously choose to give all of himself or herself for the little one. It's an ultimate sacrifice, one with a constant and long term commitment too. But within all of the difficulties and setbacks, to bring a child into this world is a joy. It makes life worth living. It makes the world a less lonely place. It fills the house with sounds of the child's voice. It gives that warmth, and is the string that can pull loose family ties together, and strengthen close bonds. 

When I visited home, I could see how much of attention that was needed just to breastfeed and take care of a growing baby. All the sleepless nights, the latching, the engorgement. I had a newfound respect for my dear Sister who

managed to pull through it all without the extra help of a confinement nanny. And she was back onto the workforce after three months of maternity leave..! Respect, Che. FYI, your baby looks just like you when you were a little girl. :) You must be so proud. :)

I call her almost every day.

And she's very happy to see me too. 

Always smiling her teethless gum when I say hello, endearingly. 

And my heart just melts away. 

Can't wait to be a mother myself. 

My little niece. 

Lotsa love. 

To look forward to =)

Hrm...

I would love to go for a short vacation.

Initially we planned on going to Australia with hubby's good friend, but the planning was too last minute, and he couldn't get off from work.

Perhaps next time. Next year perhaps?

Then I wanted to have a staycation in Singapore. I was thinking of going to a simple place like Quincy Hotel, you know, just to get away from home kinda feel, but hubs feels that if we are going to go on a staycation which does not happen that often at all, then we should consider places like MBS.

But I disagree. I find it too expensive. If one night costs around say SGD 500 ++ a night, if I convert it is RM 1500 already.

Soooo not worth it. Yeah luxury is luxury lah, but I can easily stay in a 5 Star Hotel in Malaysia, like Mandarin Oriental KL for like I think around RM 600 a night, and still it wouldn't cost that much.

So I suggested places like Grand Lexis, or Avillion, Port Dickson.

But hubby thinks Malaysia is not a safe country to stay in for a staycation.

Discuss here discuss there, then I said, never mind lah, we save up and plan another awesome trip again next year.

Maybe to Australia or something. Or Canada? US? Nah maybe US we shall save for a few years to come, maybe 5-6 years later? Going there with the kids would be nice. They get to enjoy Disney World and love Disney characters! How awesome is that. **Ahhh daydream**

Already had an awesome honeymoon, so I'm very contented already.

One big trip a year is our target.

It's something to look forward to, definitely, so work hard and save up, and then enjoy when time permits.

Life is just too short, really. Gotta enjoy it while you can.

Still haven't done bungee jumping and sky-diving. Haven't taken that off of my list yet. But that will have to pend to a very distant future. Still.. Another thing to look forward to. =)

Lotsa love.