UNCHANGED

... I'm the type of person who would always enjoy meaningful conversations. Sadly, I can only find it in a few. And just last night, I had a mixture of some fun crap and yet wonderful conversation with a dear friend.

... I remember when I first entered TARC. There were ample differences, especially when it came to culture that wuz depicted in the behaviours of the students around the college as compared to my former high school, Assunta. Basically, it wuz a cultural shock. And then in between, I wuz torn between what I wuz and what I thought I should be. You see, I believe that fitting in wuz necessary, that adaptation wuz inevitable, where in some cases, I wuz adamant to change, but eventually did.

... I wuz adapting, slowly. Compared to sis, she chose to stick close to her roots and refused to adapt. But she did prevail through in the end, and from the way I see it, she did not change a bit, except for her maturity level of course. From the moment she entered TARC, til the time she set her last foot on it. She stuck so strong to what she believed, and avoided the unnecessary. At the time, I wuz wondering if she wuz doing the right thing.

... I wuz wrong, in the end. You see, throughout the times I wuz in TARC, there were so many changes made. Undoubtedly, too many compromises, too many amendments, too many things withheld within. There were many things I have changed in myself. From the way I spoke to the way I reacted, all just to please the people around me. Whether it is just for friends or for a boyfriend. I even went to as far as change my dressing for that one person once! Only to realize now that I shouldn't have.

... He wuz right. People should just ACCEPT you for who YOU are. Because YOU are who YOU are. Don't change into what PEOPLE want YOU to be. That will be UNTRUE to yourself, and therefore you will loose what makes YOU special. It will take away your ORIGINALITY. Just be YOURSELF, and NO ONE else.

.. .That friend also exclaimed and reminded me of the old strengths I had that wuz long forgotten, while some I never knew.

... So, NO MORE of that. No more CHANGES to suit other people's preferences. I am who I am. It's up to you to ACCEPT me the way I am. No more suppressing feelings and opinions. I owe it to myself to be true to myself and others. So if YOU can't take it, you know where's the door. Take the exit.

... So to that one person, Thanks a lot for telling me, and reminding me of the good things.

... I truly enjoyed the conversation that day. Though it was a simple conversation, it led to a deep thought. =D

YOU know who YOU are. *winks*

*cheers to you*

My great mistake, the fault for which I can't forgive myself, is that one day I ceased my obstinate pursuit of my own individuality.

- Oscar Wilde

I hope you have not been leading a double life, pretending to be wicked and being really good all the time. That would be hypocrisy.

- Oscar Wilde

lotsa love.

Sis's New Ride

Now ain't that yummy?????

...A breeze of smooth speed...

...Dignified velocity...

...A touch of elegance indeed...


~The new Honda City~

I'll Never Forget This Day.

The night before exam, I spent the whole day going out shopping and spending time with my family. It took the whole damn day! Before we left I didn't touch the book yet. But I planned on staying up that night because it wuz my last paper. Not only my last, but my very very last paper. Out of all the papers I have ever sat for, this one marks the end of it. Though tired, I wuz happy. It wuz the ever last time I would ever stay up for exam for that gilded cage of mine.

Morning dawned, and I wuz happy to be able to catch some sleep. Morning wuz beautiful, as always, but it wuz psychologically more beautiful because everything I do today, would mark the last time I do it. Taking that long everyday 35 minutes train ride; all of it.

But something had to happen to spoil the whole thing.

Some damn bitch or bastard stole my bag.

Right after exam, I came out to get my bag and put all my stuffs in it. To find that it wuz not there! I put it beside Selene's, but to my surprise, I couldn't find it. I thought someone wuz playing tricks on me, so I wuz chilled at first. But then................... Aghast, IT REALLY WUZN'T THERE!!!!! Damn it damn it damn it! I took all my valuables in with me, including my phone, camera, credit card, money, student ID and IC. But my driving license wuz in the wallet! Together with some other stuffs. The most painful to loose wuz my Guess wallet. My sis got that for me on one of my past Birthdays. I only wore it for a few months. I think about 4 and a half. And the bag, wuz brand freakin new! I barely wore it for a month! Damn the thief who would be so heartless to commit such a crime!!!

The one most painful that wuz in my wallet, were two pieces of money folded into love shaped leaves. Which wuz made just for me from dear Wy Howe. One wuz made when we were lying at the shoe couch watching TV, and he got me this HK money and taught me how to fold it. Only that once. And another wuz a random one he made for me one day. Everything that I lost could be bought back, but not that one. Those two are lost for life. It's so unfair! I can't stand the fact that I lost it without a fight!!!!

That wuz how the last day of my college marked. 25th of January 2010. I made a report to the SAD, and the shittiest part is that THAT is the only thing I could do.

This incident is the living testimony, that TARC is really NOT a place meant for ME.

And I thought my perception for that place would change for good. But it has gone back all the way to like it wuz in the start, HOW MUCH I HATED IT! Damn it!!!

~Unpredictable Life~

Four friends, who had not seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a Party.

After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room. Those who remained talked about their kids.

The first guy said, "My son is my pride and joy. He started working at a successful company at the bottom of the barrel.

He studied Economics and Business Administration and soon began to climb the corporate ladder and now he's the president of the company.

He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday."

The second guy said, "Darn, that's terrific! My son is also my pride and joy.

He started working for a big airline, and then went to flight school to become a pilot.

Eventually he became a partner in the company, where he owns the majority of its assets.

He's so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday."

The third man said: "Well, that's terrific! My son studied in the best

universities and became an engineer.

Then he started his own construction company and is now a multimillionaire.

He also gave away something very nice and expensive to his best friend for his birthday: A 30,000 square foot mansion.."

The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth returned

From the restroom and asked: "What are all the congratulations for?" One of the three said: "We were talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons. ...What about your son?"

The fourth man replied: "My son is gay and makes a living dancing as a Stripper at a nightclub."

The three friends said: "What a shame...what a disappointment."

The fourth man replied: "No, I'm not ashamed. He's my son and I love him and he hasn't done too badly either.

His birthday was two weeks ago, and he received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet and a top of the line Mercedes from his three boyfriends.



They fainted.

New Skin!

Hows my new skin???? Looking good eh??? I mean the blog yah, not literally my skin. LOL. I know, I know, its waaay better than the old one right??? That one was freaking standardized lah. No time to search for the right skin. =)

I tell you ah, searching for the right skin is like searching for the right guy man. Haha. Search high and low, left and right, theme to theme. Fuh, quite lethargic also. I figured I just can't start with IBS now, not after I just finished EB this morning (extreme information overload can lead to brain hammerage and consequently, brain dead=>Jean's Theory), as I believe is everyone elses, so there goes the skin searching, and finally, found one that is just soooooo ME!!! lol. Totally love it.

Know why???

1. Coz I love chocolates! I mean, c'mon la, who wouldn't love chocolates!?!?!?! Especially homosapiens of my kind, GURLZ!!! It's texture of such softness and richness-a sinful delicacy... Irresistable! =) So there, you can see the lil chocolates down there eh... Hehe... Looks so yummy too!!! *grins*

2. I love black. (Shows in the number of Black wardrobe that I have in my closet that is waaaay more than any other colours.)

3. Love the shadowing glimmers of candle/bulb-looking lights. Just gives that right amount of contrast. And... the best part of it is, it reminds me sooooooo much of Christmas, which is my favourite time of the year, and light brings hope right??? So u feelin' me???!?!?! Haha.


So, Welcome new skin!!!!! *Big Big Smile* You'll be sharing lots of ups and downs with me for a considerable amount of time from now! Welcome to Jean's ship!!! *Salutes!* =)



Lotsa love.

GLEE!!!!

GLEE!!!!! Ever heard??? Well, for those of you who don't know, glee is synonymous with joy, happiness, gaiety, elated, full of high-spirited delight, merriment, and erm, I'm sure u get the picture by now.. Basically, it means happiness lah. =)

GLEE wuz aired today on Star World!!! There wuz a buzz going on, with rapid and intense advertisement on it prior to its release to the Malaysian viewers, stating that it attracted over 15 million people in America in just one night wor. (Whoa.. 15 million wor.. That's quite a handful.) So me being curious, I took the time to sit down and watch. (Aikz...forgot to buy snacks and popcorns. Nevermind, biscuits and kuih from pasar malam would do. =) )

Call me childish, but I so looove High School Musical. I can't deny having silly crushes on Zac Efron and his deep tentalizing eyes, and his talent as well as charismatic appeal, and also the love he shares with Vanessa Hudgens. (Oh, *sparks sparks*) Well if you're a fan just like me too, you'd probably love GLEE!!! It's coz GLEE centers around a high school show choir (also known as a glee club), called "New Directions!", set within the fictional William McKinley High School in Lima, Ohio.

GLEE is sooo high-school-ish, because it revolves around students trying to find who they are; figuring out whether they should just stick to the status-quo or thrive against adversity and stares of the public eye in pursuing what they love. This, is faced by him.


It's like the battle of the self. Sounds so much like HSM right? Yea this part is a bit copy-cat lah. But he's quite a talent too. Can't beat my Zac of coz. =D

Also, it revolves around trying to do the right thing vs. doing something that one person has passion for. In this case, its the Sir (teacher).

And man, can he sing!!!!!! His voice type combines Jazon Mraz meets James Blunt. Man, I always wanted a boyfriend who can sing. (*dreaming... ... ... still dreaming) ^^

The best part of it wuz the closure of the episode, coz the main casts were really really talented. The leading lady especially. She is waaaay better than Vanessa Hudgens from HSM lah, hands down. LOL. I wuz just astounded by the voices, really. And the harmonization and how it clicks with the song! And... The song... it's ADDICTIVE!!!!! Now it's still playing in my head like a broken record..! Damn!!! (Don't stop, believing... Hold on to that feeling...la la la) Haha..


Love the theater setting too! Can't wait to see the follow-up next week!!! Go GLEE!!!

....Your shadow...

Morning after
Still lingers
Just waking up
I see a shadow of you
Making breakfast for two
I go driving
Past our place and
I see this girl walk by
I smell her perfume
For a moment I wish it was you

I'm not gonna tell ya
I'm not gonna say that I'm okay, no
I'm tryin' to get over
I'm tryin' to get far away from our mistakes

But I see shadows
Everywhere that I go
It's you, reminding me
Of how we were
Of how it was
I see shadows
Everywhere they follow
It's you and memories
Of how we loved
I've had enough of your shadows

Four months gone
I can't feel you
I don't understand it
Where did you go?
I hate that you're all that I know

I'm not gonna tell ya
I'm not gonna say that I'm okay, no
I'm tryin' to get over
I'm tryin' to get far away from our mistakes

But I see shadows
Everywhere that I go
It's you, reminding me
Of how we were
Of how it was
I see shadows
Everywhere they follow
It's you and memories
Of how we loved
I've had enough of your shadows

You couldn't love me
So why won't you leave me?
Shadows
Alone is the only place I want to be

I see shadows
Everywhere that I go
It's you, reminding me
Of how to love
I've had enough
I see shadows
Everywhere they follow
It's you, the memories
Of how we loved
I've had enough.....

~Shadows-Westlife~

~Curtains Down~

A few days ago marked another end in the days of a life-phase. It was a day filled with contentment for sure-and a sumptuous piece of doughnut. Guess we were all aware it was going to be our last day, well at least for the few who came.

The start of the day was obscure, with the sky shadowing a dark misty grey. I was adamant to take the bus today, despite knowing that I might be late for that 9 o’clock class. The journey, from the bus station to class was entranced with strong gushers of wind that came by, blowing off leaves from the trees and messing up the hair too. It was the entire right aura to signify that very last day in college. Soon after it started to drizzle. A light, melancholic morning it was.

...(In another person's eyes)....

Jean has had her taste of four long years walking down the same halls and entering the same classes hundreds of times. Most of her times in Diploma, classes were hell, sometimes not so, sometimes more so-a dread, and was attended with very little interest. The glass was always half empty during the first two years. Then, as graduation came, and it was time for her to re-choose her path, she took a step back and wondered, “Will you suffer another two dreadful years at this gilded cage?” It was a clear road. Pre-U to Law (escape from torment and lifetime chance into paradise), or Adv Dip to IB (R.O.T). She reluctantly chose the latter, and from then on decided to take a brighter perspective in college, though truly, there was not much to look forward to.

Then Third year came flashing by, and by this time around, the glass was almost full, or at least, she tried to fill it. Several activities became a part of her life, where mainly, dancing was the main passion, and she found it all over again in cheerleading. She formed a team called El Ninoz with her dear sis and led them to success. In between also created fond memories. Then there was public speaking, where she have learnt the good and bad, and chose to for the first and last time, be participative in the IBS society, which led her into becoming the membership director alongside a very dear friend, Christian taking the lead. Third year also highlighted a spark in love, but a love that soon came to wither to an end soon when the year drew to a close.

Fourth year was the fastest. Everything was a full speed ahead. At her final year, it was a time to drill skills, and absorb as much knowledge as she could. It also marked her most hardworking year, where she tried to attend most lectures, amidst skipping a few. Full attendance for two subjects she has obtained this sem, which she is proud of in her own little way.

Now she has come to the end of it. Friends were gained, some were lost, some questionable if it would last. Love was known and bitter-sweetness reckoned thereafter. But the best part is to know, that it has all prevailed through, and she has learnt a whole lot, and ultimately triumphant a better person. What would she remember from college???

…probably not the boring facts…

…nor the food…(except for the chocolate slices with chocolate rice toppings at Canteen 1)

..neither the excruciatingly hot weather…

…But those seamless threads of laughter…

..And that fond smiley faces…

…And those special places with special meaning…

..probably the arrays of mamak visited…

..the hanging out at Jusco, Carrefour, Four Seasons…

..the simple, meaningful conversations..

..the very few special lecturers and tutors..

..the wonderful friends…

..and… perhaps… that one special guy…

**~As we go on, we’ll remember,

All the times we, had together,

As our lives change, come whatever,

We will still be, friends forever~**

**~Cheerios for a wonderful 2 years~**

2009

The sun has shone down, and it has risen. A few days ago struck the 365th time it dawned and set, thus marks the beginning of the new year.

There were several blogs I read which stories on the roads that were not taken, roads that were taken, people-how they come and go, memories, and the itsy-bitsy peieces of it. Some blogs write the tale of sadness in which one had to go through, while others wrote on the happiness gained. One blog, in particular, has left me thinking. About how my life painted itself the past year.

The year 2009 was a tumultuous one, with me hovering so much of emotions and words that were not spoken for a period of time. And with me not being appreciative of the things I had. It was a year that tops excitement as compared to the years before, but also a year of pain and grief. It was a year filled with precious moments that I would never forget. It was also the year that I had to make the most painful decision, and now realized that it was not a wise one. It was also a year I learnt that life is not a fairy-tale; that I should learn how to see things from a different, more realistic perspective.

I've met a few friends which I know would last a long time, perhaps, a lifetime. I saw an old friend who was an important role in my younger days after 6 long years. I also gained new friendship from the people that were so much a part of college since the past two years, but have only gotten to know them during the last 2 semesters. Despite that, I'm glad the friendship happened.

I read my resolutions for 2009, and I'm glad to say that I have fulfilled all 5 of them. This year, I haven't written any. But I'm just hoping that the year ahead would be better than the last. At the least, I hope that there wouldn't be so much of sadness. And for that one person whose blog I read, I hope that this year would be a better one for him too.


*Cheers* for a better year for all.


lotsa love.