Scones

I was looking at the Milo sachets in my luggage.

I still remember clearly the whole picture when sis packed my Milo and Nescafe sachets for me.

It was a day before I took my flight to Sheffield, the night of tedious and what seemed like a never-ending packing, surprising thing for a person who flew quite a lot like me. It had to clearly be the reason coz of the four months duration. Just couldn't narrow down my clothes!!!

And now I look at it, thinking that many things have already happened since that memory came flashing in my mind.

And I smiled to myself because there is only one reason why I've been taking those remaining sachets all around the world. =)

Well, I do miss my family a lot, despite the distance that has been keeping us apart.

And I miss them even more whenever I watch cool movies in while the whole family love, like Glee and we get all so hyped up about it. That is why watching Glee in Aussie is never the same anywhere else in the world as compared to another week night on my lazy couch watching movies like that, for when something ÖMG-ish comes out, well, it's just a natural response to squeal out loud! And it's fun because somewhere in the house I'd hear sis squealing out loud, echoing me too. =) And then there is that 2 seconds stare when the drama gets all the more interesting and we'd give each other that OMFG stare just after the episode ends or when the commercial kicks in. =)

(A few days ago)

I baked Banana Scones today!

Hehe..had a lot of fun playing with the dough and the excessive flour.. never new messiness that was more fun than that! And made my first dough...... oh man.. that feeling... utter contentment..! hahaha... I'm weird right? But you see, I like the sight of doughs, with all the process of rolling and moulding.. =) And it's different when u'r ''hands-on'' on t u know. =)

I took before and after pictures! =) Haha.. (sometimes it astonishes me how ridiculous I can get)

Hot from the oven, glaze a thick layer of Harrodd's Strawberry jam, pour in freshly chilled orange juice, and viola, wonderful tea time!!!! =)

Anita says if we had some whip cream over it, it would be nicer..but I like it just the way it is. =)

Well, I'm gonna be giving my cousin my leftover sachets...Since the Milo in Aussie sux! =)

Ps: I miss my Milo maker! =)

lotsa love.

Heartbeat

Today was a day spent eating dim sum and shopping in the heart of Perth City. Got meself a few nice wardrobes... And I thought I was very happy..

And so I walked down the street, and entered this huge store. The arrays of clothes seemed never ending. You see, the one thing that differentiates UK and Aussie is that the apparels here, they are more, adapting, rather than the latter which screams extremist. In the UK, it's either the cheapest (Primark, winks*) or the most expensive (CK, FCUK, AX, TH, etc), quite rarely anything in the middle, other than M&S where the fashion, not my type, but in Aussie, middle ranges are found in abundance..! Aussie offers many of their infamous home brands, some only established in this land, but the fashion and all, not bad indeed.

And those pretty and dainty party dresses.. gosh there were soooo many it almost brought me to tears... And the price! If only I knew I was coming to Aussie, I would have saved and spent it more here..!

And so back to that store..I was looking, and a then.. and then and then.. I saw it.. I saw it hanging there.. so pretty, so dainty, so hot.. in beautiful black...

I saw that dress... And I knew it was mine to have...

It was a long time since I felt like that for any dress, the last time was my Birthday dress.. I fell in love with it and bought it of course... And that dress that hung there, it gave me the same feeling! Gosh... it was beautiful! Cocktail, tube, with light puffs at the bottom..

Headed straight to the dressing room..

Woops, wrong size..!

And then... the most devastating news...

THERE'S NO MORE OF MY SIZEEEEEEEEE!

Oh man...oh no..I felt my heart crash right that instant.

Like I saw my heart beating on the floor and I couldn't do anything but just watch it. (okay that was way to dramatic)

...
..
But you know, that utter disappointment...

It's like looking at a guy you love but know that you'll never have him.

Ugh..sucky feeling. Ah well, it's a girl thing I guess..

Sighs...I'm sooo not gonna forget that dress..

Now my heart is itching..

What a day... Well, I just wanted to pen this down for.. memory I guess..

Sometimes it's fate huh? Or perhaps it's just bad timing. Could have had the dress if I were there even an hour earlier perhaps..! But hey, i'll never know, would I???

lotsa love.

You Won't Forget

I baked again today. And it felt like deja vu.. And it was, except that it felt like such a long time ago since I baked, when the fact is, the last time was just several months ago, back at Sheffield. Perhaps I have been through and seen so much that it took toll on time for me, like I was aging mentally, much faster that I thought I was. Well, figuratively. I felt old for a moment. I was searching on the Internet for an estimation of the measurements, and suddenly it felt like Iwas at my D321A window, with the church not far away, on a nice breezy evening, searching on the Internet for something similar. Everything felt so real, but it wasn't.

And suddenly I had this strange longing.

I long to feel the breeze while I walk down Moor Street. I long to feel the air at the back of my neck, sending me chills down my spine. There's a lot to miss, surely. And I miss it even more now that I know that it will only be a memory from now on. I know that I will go back to Shef one day. But nothing would be the same again. Some things would change. The way I see it would change. I would change, for sure.

There were many things I learned being abroad. And I'm glad that one of it was baking. =)

I love to bake. I remember going to the library back at F4 and looking at cookbooks when I'm supposed to search for Biology additional referencing books. I love mixing the ingredients together, and looking through the oven as the mixture fluffs up, where the colour changes to golden brown. That's perhaps the particular reason why I love to eat bread. Because I love to see the golden brownish colours, and I just adore the before-and-after look.. And the scent..ahh heaven. =) But perhaps I was never the best when it came to baking. =)

I was watching Lake House. A love so profound felt by two different people from different timelines. How is that even possible? Well, we'll never know right? Really, with the possilibities of UFOs, any darn thing is possible out there. But this movie kept me at the edge of my seat, kept me wondering how would the story end, and I'm glad it was a happy one. And then in the evening I sat down and watched Sex and the City, Season 4 and gosh, what an emotional roller coaster ride it was! I tell you I can just sit on the couch and go emo the whole day just by following the movie la. And go gaga just by looking at Carrie (SJP) and the uh-most-fashionable wardrobe..! And Aidan..now there's my dream guy... *drools*

And just before I penned this whole entry, I looked at my cake. The difference was profound, I realised it looked better, and tasted better each time I baked it. There was a smile on my face. The, I cut out a piece and placed it nicely on a plate. Looked at it really carefully. All those times it didn't turn out well, and that didn't matter. I suddenly understood why people never give up trying once they found something they love doing. Because even having failed is not so bad an experience if u enjoyed the process, while trying to figure out what went wrong. I smiled to my silly self again, and I thought, "Perhaps not all of Sheffield would be lost. Perhaps I will always have a piece of it every time I bake this cake." So yeaps.. All in all, it was an enlightening day today.

And oh yah, I went to the beach yesterday and swam at the edge of the Indian sea. Saw many good looking beach boys and their hot bod. And not that I have confidence issues, but seeing some of the babes walking by the beach makes me just wanna bury myself into the sand and stay in there. Haha. The guys here differ greatly from Asian man, because they take a whole lot of care in the looks of their body..I mean, all the guys were astonishingly well built! It was a nice sight. Haha.

After a few bumps on the arse and water seeping into the earlubes, I decided to give it a rest. Damn, the Indian waves are definitely too wild for me! Everytime the wave hit, I was blown off and landed in the weirdest of positions. And I went back for more coz it's fun to swim with the waves, until it sucked up every ounce of energy I had left. Came home feeling so fresh I couldn't sleep last night. Went for a bit of a shopping spree too. =)

Well, that's it for the crapping...It's a Sat!!! Weekend! Go out and have some fun!!!

lotsa love.

Gosh..

What another shitty night.

Imperfect.

It's overwhelmingly frustrating and dispairing at the same time, to realise the one thing you thought you know all about after 22 years of living has come around surprising you in ways you never thought it would.

After going through the sweet and sour of it, coupled by the bitterness that at once-upon-a-time seemed never-ending, I thought I understood the weight it carried by being tangled up in the tale that involves such fragile thing, and all the burden that came with it, and I do, except that I was in oblivion when it regards the term sacrifice. Perhaps it was never asked upon me by the characters of my past, where such a thing was supposingly just too much to ask, or perhaps the state that I was in was subject to comfortability and compromise that it was never raised to question, but now it is. And hell, I still don't know how to do it.

Maybe there is something wrong with me, mentally. Maybe I'm tuned in the sense that is completely different than that of others when they choose to be in a commited relationship.

Yes, yes indeed I have prioritising issues.

Does my heart work differently than my mind? Are they comprised of two seperate entities? Well, indeed, but it should work in sync right, when matters like this come in place? Heck, this matter shouldn't even be a matter in the first place. Not for the other seven billion people out there. Perhaps it is, for a significant few. Perhaps I never truly understood myself as I thought I did. Perhaps I need to attend that "do you really know yourself"class.

I don't know what's wrong with me, but I find myself deliberately acting in ways that's hurt the person that matters. And it feels like bullshit when all that he had stated make total sense to me in ways that hurt more than one, because there was a degree in truth in it, and secondly because I have evidently inflicted despair in a somewhat deliberate manner. How can I say that I don't mean it that way when everything around me points otherwise?? Does it mean he says the truth? Or that I have no arguing point? If I think I'm right, how is it possible that I do not have an arguing stand to come up with???

Now I feel like a sore loser. I dun like to hurt. No one does. It's a pretty shitty feeling.

And frankly, I'm tired of hearing the same thing over and over again.

How come I don't have brain cells that work like a normal person??

..

Hearing Grenade now by Bruno Mars. It's a good song, but a pretty emo one. Ain't feeling any better. Ughsss....

Simple-ness.

Ugh.. I had this stchu-pid dream yesterday. Some dream about some moment in the past that was re-ignited out of no reason. And woke up remembering some of the details, which was funny, because technically people forget 90% of their dreams and only a significant few percentage remembers them. Why in the hell did I fall in that 10%?? Ugh... Guess that's the downside for sleeping waaaay past wake-time right? While I find dreams fascinating sometimes, I wonder why we can't control it the way we want it to be. It would be a whole lot better, wouldn't it? It would be like flipping channels on a tv. How I wish.

Today was a gloomy day.. Went out to dry my clothes only to realise it was raining, and it was continuous all morning to evening. Now it's all cold and the ground is all wet and mushy. Gooosh, I so hope tomorrow would be a sunny day! I'm keeping my fingers crossed!

Anyways, did i mention the two most adorable dogs that keeps me company?? Gosh they are super cute! =) Im falling in love with the smaller one, he's called Oi, coz he simply reminds me so much of ColB. He's a shih tzu. Then the other more aristrocrat one is Oly..don't they have the cutest names? Love to squeeze Oi. Gosh...i feel like I just betrayed ColB. Bad mummy.. hehe..

Listening to Mylie Cyrus now. Titled "Every Rose has it's Thorn". It's just the right song to accompany through nights like this. Dark, gloomy. Missing him. =) Good song. Hate to admit it but that Disney girl has got talent.



I'm looking forward to having a sweeeet dream tonight. And I'm sure I will. =)
Somehow I'm blessed, to know that there's someone I can turn to to always put a smile on my silly face. And I love how silly that makes me feel. =)

lotsa love.

Thing's that I Gotta Face Soon..

So here I am breezing the air of Australia. Perth, to be exact.

Been here for a few days now, and honestly, and since it's been only a few days, I'm enjoying my rather laid back life. The honestly not-a-damn-thing-to-do is really giving me a lot of spare time to think, and while I'm at it, I'm pondering about my life now. And suddenly it feels like "lost in wonderland".

This year has been the most remarkable year. It truly was. But now that I'm at the verge of the end, I'm wondering about "what's next" in my life's list. I'm wondering, is that it? Yea I know that life doesn't halt here, but I'm thinking, is life going to be so rigid, just like every fresh graduate now, we're going to look for that "dream"job, start a career and hope to be successful one day? Why do we all follow the same path? Is life of this era composed to be of such path, or do we just conform to society? Yes, some of us have to find jobs to secure a steady financial income for various reasons, but really, is that what life after graduation is?? Isn't there just more to life??? What happened to just being implusive rather than a conformist?? Isn't it time now to realise some things in that to-do-list of yours that has been put off over and over again over more "important issues"? Well, as for me, I've always wanted to sky dive. Haha. But that... I gotta pend some more because I can't afford a private jet yet. But what about all the stuffs that can be done?? Once we jumpstart our working life, ther would be no turning back, and other freetimes would be proven too cumbersome or tiresome to realise those dreams. There's just so much to do in so little time. Plus with family commitments and what not.

And then there is another issue of knowing what to do, but not knowing it at the same time. It's like knowing the necessary things that has to be done but then not knowing how to go about doing that. Like me now. I'm back to square one! It feels like I'd never grown up, just playing my past like a broken record. After Form 5 I had this nauseatic feeling of being lost, not knowing the person I want to become, then in Dip (Law vs IB), and now here I am again. Ugh.. I can't seem to find a job that fits me. Maybe I should just realise my life long dancing dream (haha, that's a joke), or oh yea, maybe I should go against adversity and be a ballet teacher or gymnastics coach. I'm qualified for that. =) And I have a soft spot for kids. =) Haha.

Ah well, decisions decisions decisions. Much to worry about when I get home. But I believe all will turn out well somehow. =) Till then, I'm gonna stop my whining and enjoy Aussie! Holidays have yet to start here for me! There's a whole lot of stuffs to savour! So might as well just enjoy it! *winks*

lotsa love.

>:(

... controlling ...

.. such a dominating, overpowering expression ..

.. and I fucking hate the word..

GEMS of Wisdom!

I remember back a few years ago, I used to hate going to college. I hated every moment of it. I remember not taking a second look at my closet and grab the first thing to put on to head to that gilded cage of mine. I remember putting that scornful face every time I walk into the hallways.

Maybe it was the shift of atmosphere. Or how unfair life is. To know I could have ended up in Taylors but ended up going to 'that' TARC.

I always wondered why daddy choose to put me there, and he explained to me, though the justification didn't sink into me. Guess because my glass was full of hatred for college at the time that nothing could change it.

College to me was never a happy place.

But now, as I look back at it, I realised how foolish I was.

Yes, I hated college (not as much now I suppose), but to think about it now, I would have never got a chance to see the world and the beauty that it holds if it weren't for me getting stuck in that place for over four years. Because every sacrifice was worth it. =)

I wouldn't have completed my education in such a proud and classy manner.

I would probably end up being a spoilt brat and never learnt the true value of money and how hard is it to earn it.

I would probably still not know how to converse in Cantonese!

So lesson learned:

1.Don't get agitated too easily.
2.See the brighter side in life. There is always a choice.
3.Choose to be happy no matter how bitter the circumstances thrown at you may seem.
4.CHOOSE TO BE GRATEFUL.
5. Always know that GOD has bigger plans for you. You'll just have to be patient. =)


Here's something Vanessa sent to me.
I think it's quite nice. =)

(Gems of WISDOM)

1] Prayer is not a "spare wheel" that you pull out when in trouble, but it is a "steering wheel" that directs the right path throughout

2] Do you know why a cars' WINDSHIELD is so large & the Rear-view Mirror is so small? Because our PAST is not as important as our FUTURE. Look Ahead and Move on!

3] Friendship is like a BOOK. It takes few seconds to burn, but it takes years to write one!

4] All things in life are temporary. If going well, enjoy it, they will not last forever. If going wrong, don't worry, they can't last long either.

5] Old Friends are Gold! New Friends are Diamond! If you get a Diamond, don't forget the Gold! Because to hold a Diamond, you always need a Base of Gold!

6] Often when we lose hope and think this is the end, GOD smiles from above and says, "Relax, sweetheart, it's just a bend, not the end!

7] When GOD solves your problems, you have faith in HIS abilities; when GOD doesn't solve your problems HE has faith in your abilities.

8] A blind person asked Swami Vivekanand: "Can there be anything worse than losing eye sight?" He replied: "Yes, losing your vision!"

9] When you pray for others, God listens to you and blesses them, and sometimes, when you are safe and happy, remember that someone has prayed for you.

10] WORRYING does not take away tomorrow’s TROUBLES, it takes away today’s PEACE!


lotsa love.