Curtain Call. =)

And so the year went by,
With an abundance of laughter,
goodness and cheers,
Pinches of inevitable sadness along the way,
But the path was meaningful,
Nothing short,
But beautiful.

Life is like riding a train. You get in and start your journey, and your aim is to reach your destination at the end of the road. Along the way you face some stops (some hardships), some bends (some heartbreaks and burnt friendships), sometimes life is full speed ahead, sometimes it comes to a slow and you're able to take a breather.

Sometimes it's noisy (filled with stress and troubles) and yet, at times it can be calm. Along the way people board in, and some goes off. Some people ride along half way and be with you till the very end (there are people whom you can rely on through good times and bad), some just takes off half way. Some, gives you smiley faces and takes the effort to start a conversation with you (these people would be the important characters of your life).

And then when you reach the very end, you'd reflect on your life and how the crossroads you've encountered, and the turns you decide to take makes you the person that you have become. Well, this year for me it was a long road, with a pinch of everything on the above.

This year, I was blessed with uncountable happiness.

And some goal reaching. Achieved Bachelors. Made Mami and Papi proud. =)

Some self-actualisation (according to Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs)

And loads and loads of shopping..! =) I felt like I'm at the tip of a cherry of the creamiest chocolate icing in the world. =) Apparently for this second half of the year, the icing on the cake has been really thick, and on top of that, God has blessed me with the juiciest, sweetest cherry that I ever had. =) Of course, some parts of the cake are smudged (shitty times), but for the most part, it was creamed and iced to perfection. =)

And I am blessed. I've traveled to in total, 12 countries this year, to the UK, through Europe, and Australia. =) And it's record breaking. =)

I've sailed through the aisle of the Seine River in France,

Touched pretty white snow in Switzerland,


Sat on a gondola and experienced the Venice,


Seen some of the most beautiful churches in Italy and UK,

Sat at the Eye of London,

Marveled at some of the world's greatest architecture,

Caught a glimpse of the perfect rainbow in Scotland,

Lived in a castle for a day,

Seen breathtaking views that I'll remember for a lifetime...

Ah.. the list is never ending...

And above all of that, I found someone along the way that walked through the journey with me. To make all those existing memories all the more sweeter, that even condensed milk can't beat it. It was really because of him that every step I took while being in a foreign land left all the more deeper footprints, and the cause and ultimately the reason for his existence and company, I'll always appreciate and cherish..

I didn't write any resolutions last year, because I know that resolutions for me, would just be effective in the first three days and that is as far as it goes. So I just go day by day being the best person I can be. For Christmas, Jon wrote me a long card, and in the card he asked me if I thought the year ahead would be more exciting than that of the current year. I smiled to myself, because I know that this year would probably top my list as "The Best Year of My Life", and I think I've lived through every moment of it, with no regrets at all.

So however mundane life would be after this, it would be alright, because I will always have this year to refer back to, to remind me how beautiful the world is. =)

I spent the New Year counting down in The Curve. Yeap, not the usual homey celebration! Company with the guys was nothing short but awesome, though I miss my honey to bits. Came home at 2.30 am! hahahah yay record breaking!!! =) Well, I hope the past year has been nothing short but awesome for everyone else. Let past mistakes make us a better person for the future.

For now, raise your glass and be geared up of a whole new year, a whole new achievements, and a whole new excitement to come!

Happy New Year 2011!!! =)

Say hello to the new decade!

Cheeriosssssss!


lotsa love.

Just because I'm Late.

It's all about the randomness in things.

And suddenly you realise that life is not so random after all.

It's all about the numbers.

Somewhere in the universe, there are strings of numbers that connects each and every one of us.

Strings that make even the most random of things possible.

Not true?

Let's see.

When we wake up, what is the first thing that we see?

The clock.

What are we working so hard for?

Money.

Supposedly, one fine day, you wake up late, rush to work, you still wanted to straighten that hair. On the device. 5 more minutes. Rush rush rush, you forget to off it. May burn your house down. Just coz of that 5 more minutes.

Everything that surrounds us right now, from skyscrapers and aeroplanes, they are the result of innovations in numbers.

Even the most simplest of things.

Your birth date.

Some people don't believe in horoscopes, but there are things that would be a person's characteristics just because he or she is born in that particular day. And by those numbers one can see his or her compatibility with another person. It's all a part and parcel of how numbers play such an impact in our lives.

It's true.

Why the sudden mentioning? Amy did some counting for me today, and by that she managed to guess a few accurate things about me, and then there was my Godsister which enlightened me about the significance of numbers in our lives. Which is true, really.

Well, I just brought Rocky out for a walk this evening. And then when we were at this park, this damn Malay man came up to me and prohibited me to walk the lands of the park beside my house because I was having Rocky with me. He was like, "Excuse me miss, do dogs allowed." I was like, what the hell??? Then he pointed to that freaking board with the "no animal sign". Dammit. What rubbish is that? A park is a free land dammit. How can the damn authorities put up something so damn biased man? It's not like my Rocky was not tied to a chain. He was well within my grip! And he doesn't bite. Why in the hell does this country have to get so discriminative??? That's one of the damn reason why I just hate this country. Shit.

And well, I was late by 7 minutes this evening for his walk. If I was a wee bit early, I'd probably wouldn't have bumped into that freaking gardener. And my walk would be at peace. Such a mood spoiler man. The stupid authorities should put a note that states "Stray Dogs would be Captured." Not a stupid sign like that man. That, I would totally understand. Because of the danger that it may do to small kids. But my Rocky is perfectly trained and he is with ME! What position is he in to restrict me like that??? It's a public area man! Ewwww! Disgusting. That's an outright discrimination to everyone else in the neighbourhood that is not a Malay. And mind me, the majority of populations here are Chinese and Indians, and most Chinese residents here have DOGS! Only the Malays in the lower end area in Pantai Dalam which I must say is a total spoiler to the nice neighbourhood we have here shares a piece of this the area and I must stress again, "on the other side". Unfortunately for us, we have to share the park.. How come there is no sign stating "No Cats Allowed"??? What rubbish man.

And you know, now we even have security guards to uplift the security of the area because it's due to the sad-case Malay punks that used to come about in the area and make tons of noises, as as well as commit crime cases such as snatch theft that we have no choice but to increase the security level of the area. They are the mischievous ones and we, law abiding citizens have to pay the price of not even having a decent freedom of bringing our dogs for a brisk evening walk around the park??? Ultimately de-stupid man!

This is a free country you say??? Bull Shit.

Ughhh...

Was it all worth it?

Some people think that to Love is the hardest thing
But it's not
No one says that there is a shortcut to loving someone
And that's true
But no one ever said that the reality of the road
To put an end to the Love you have for someone
Could be harder
To suck it in and break it into fragments
Compress it all until the last piece vanishes
It just seems impossible...


We frail humans
Ever so easily we fall in Love
Sweet words of passion, adoration and hidden meanings
We fall head over heels
We perceive rejection as a motivation to keep trying
We take a "No" as a striving factor
And put it all out to hope for a "Yes"
We take the concept of "losing" and turn it into a "winning"
Despite failed attempts, we believe that all hope is not lost
How come we do not get such intensity in areas other than Love?


We frail homo sapiens
Sometimes we do not tell
The outburst of throbbing passion felt for that special someone
Someone we would give the world
To have that person look the same way our eyes do when looking at that person
To watch those glimmer in those eyes
But we are weak
We just watch in the corner
Being a friend in need In times of hardships and turbulence
And sigh deep in the heart when the eye of the prize
Rests comfortably in the arms of another.


"Live and let live", we say
As long as she is happy, I will be
Could this statement be true?
Or is it just a word of deceit to the already torn heart?
Will you ever wonder how it would be
Should you be given the chance?
Does the chance even ever exists?


The frail people that we are
Made out of two personalities-the good and bad
In the book of Love and infatuation
Where fidelity is a concern
When things get blown out of proportion
More than one person gets hurt
Then we ask "Was it worth it?"
Would you have put your heart on the table if u knew
That it would go through a knife?
We experiment the heart and look for its technicalities
Yet there's no explanation for the most drastic of behaviours Jealousy, pain, and anxiety
(Quote from Eugene)
"Love is like a pen-rose stairs"
Every now and then we find
We're back to square one
Thoughts that still linger in the heart
Was it all worth it?


I asked a person whom his heart was severely broken
Over and over again
I asked
'Was it all worth it?"
He answered
"I would put my heart on that board again
If I had to relive my past once more
I would get burned in the sun
And drenched in the pouring rain
And walk that agonizing lane
Again.
Because every pain was worth it
Because SHE was worth it
Don't ask me why
I don't know
I just know that
She IS..."


Dedicated to him.

Lotsa love.

Pissed.

I can't wait to get a space of my own.

A house.

Where everything is just the way I want it to be.

Where things are placed in places that are 'supposed to be' in.

Away from structural damage, and away of the mood swings where I have to put up with so much rubbish. (Literal rubbish)

A space that I can call my own, and have everything just the way I want it to be.

Where house chores wouldn't even be a wee bit burdening.

A place where I can find peace.

And not try to make one.

A place that is just simple..not too complicated..

Well it doesn't sound so impossible, isn't it???

Then why does it feel so impossible to attain it here at home?????????

Wishful Thinking...

I think Taylor Swift's 'Back to December' is pretty good.

She's best at slow numbers.

Well, not that it's outstanding or anything, but I guess the reason why she is infamous is because her songs relate easily to everyone no matter what age, which gender, etc. Her lyrics are simple (really, even I could write better =)), but hey, slow songs should never be too bombastic in words. Leave that to literature. =) Also, it's meaningful enough and it reflects enough intensity in each line in the attempt to picture the whole message and expression that she feels at that one particular point of time for perhaps that someone. Broken hearts, moving on, hey, what's new right???

But well, I guess it's the whole package. She's simply a likable person, and I don't get that easily irritated (that quickly) when I hear her in the car. So she's good. Hahaha.

One song though, has got me thinking. That new song.

This verse especially.

I'm so glad you made time to see me
How's life, tell me how's your family
I haven't seen them in a while
You've been good, busier then ever
We small talk, work and the weather
Your guard is up and I know why

'Cause the last time you saw me
Is still burned in the back of your mind
You gave me roses and I left them there to die

So this is me swallowing my pride,
Standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night
And I'd go back to December all the time...

Well, it's that time of the year now, December, where festive seasons ring the air, snow on the ground (on one part of the world), while it's streaking hot (on the other side of the world), while it still feels the same shitty hot in some parts (Malaysia, I mean) but it's still doesn't change 'that' time of the year. The time to forgive and forget. Soon it will be the closure of the month thus the year, and it perhaps most of us would do some reflecting about the happenings in the past 365 days. I, for one have nothing to regret about. It's been blissful. No regrets, but perhaps one.

It's sad to know that sometimes things don't go the way you want it to go, does it? And endings are not as beautiful as beginnings. But it's the way life patterns itself.

******************

I picture sitting down in a coffee store, perhaps something like Secret Recipe or Coffee Bean. Having a casual and friendly "how are you" conversation, smiling across to the table like the past held no effect whatsoever to me. I picture that relief to see that grin smiling back at me, and the normal conversations that we could have over a cup of tea and coffee. Cake would not be a choice for this company. Crack some silly jokes along the way, no awkward stares, just simple, easy-going conversations that perhaps would last a few hours. No sensitive issues, just random, carefree, happy.

But I know it will never happen. Well yeah I know, I know that I am a strong advocate of "there is no such thing as never and forever" thing, but there are some things you just know for sure that the odds of it happening are close to none. Not that I want it to happen, but I want that relief feeling, to know, just to know that everything is fine, and that the past is just a fragment, a chapter of an already closed book. How long would it take?? 1 December? 2 Decembers?? I just need to know to lessen my guilt. That it is not a make-belief, that there is no..facade.. and that can only be seen when two sets of eyes lock into each other.

When my flight got delayed in my return journey to Kuala Lumpur from Perth airport, I looked in the huge glass mirrors and marveled at the giant planes, looking at each logo to signify the different airlines. I dislike delayed flights. It's agitating. Everyone was feeling so restless, I recalled. And then suddenly in the midst of boredom, I spotted a not-so-appealing air steward in that green MAS suit, (probably would be serving me later) walking out of the gate. Thereafter my thoughts drifted to a faraway space and time in the future. I picture myself traveling like this, like it was a lifestyle, like a job requirement and in the picture, I seem bored. Suddenly I see that familiar figure, and felt that pleasant surprise, saw that awfully familiar smile that I yearn to see, and perhaps a few lines of conversation.
But I know our future will not coincide in the future. Near or far.

I know great lengths are taken to ensure that does not happen.

But perhaps our future might intertwine. Perhaps in the time line of the universe and space, the universe would choose to be magnanimous, to let me see that smile.

Perhaps not.

There is guilt in my heart.

But there are some things that are best left at just the way it was.

I know. Because I'm happy now. And I wish the same, or if not, even more for the person.

Just a thought anyways. =)




lotsa love.