It took me some time to dissolve the fact.
The cold hard fact.
In fact I'm still in the process of accepting.
Many people have had their share of saying their kind words of the man he was. I believe that is what death does to a person. It makes you think of all the wonderful things he has done, the lengths that were taken, the difference he helped make.
But I'm still in the process, of accepting the fact that he is gone. Forever. That is, until I'm gone forever too that we would meet again on the other side.
How would I describe Uncle Kwong?
He was a man of opinion, if anything he was always the man that was never afraid to speak his mind. He couldn't careless who you were, what car you drove, how much of money you were making, nothing of sorts. He was an outspoken figure of his time, sometimes too outspoken for some. :)
Perhaps the lack of education, or the environment he grew up in that has moulded this figure; the loud, hot-tempered persona that he was, but underneath the facade, was a good, good hearted man with a heart for charity, doing good for others, giving out donations to the needy, and the best part, an animal lover himself too. He loves to play with ColB whenever he stopped by, and ColB loved his company just as much. He was family. Like a 5+1. For every festive season, whether it was birthday, Christmas, he was always, always a constant figure.
I'm grateful too, for his many years of presence, keeping daddy company on the shop when he needed one, as they were business partners, apart from being family of course.
In fact, some events in my life too was associated to him. Had it not been him to mention TARC, I wouldn't have ended up in that college, and learnt the things I learnt, loved the people I loved, carved small successes in more ways than one, and above all, learnt the value of humility. I believe I would have come out a different person should I have ended up in Taylor's, my first destination. For that, I shall always be grateful.
The journey.
The journey was a painful one, both for us and for him too. It was on his birthday that I took leave and went to accompany him to see the Doctor when his symptoms worsened. Obstructive jaundice was the first sign, and I knew he had to see a Doctor.
I remember registering him at the counter in Assunta Hospital. The nurse registrar exclaimed while in the process "Eh Uncle, it's your birthday lah today Uncle!" then he said jokingly, "Yes, today is my birthday and God gave me a big birthday gift, to ask me to come hospital." Lolz.. Who would have known, that it was his very last, very last birthday??
I knocked my car that night too. Probably a night I would not forget in a long, long time.
Did some reading before the test results came out, and I didn't like what I read on the dinner table. True enough, it was indeed cholangiocarcinoma after the tests and diagnosis. The doctor that attended to him was a bad one, so bad really. Never ever go to him, Dr Suresh Lachmanan.
After discharging, Uncle Kwong went back to work like usual. When I visit the shop, I see him sitting there, working, and I always thought that he shouldn't work too hard and take some time to just rest, but I guess he didn't allow the disease to get the best of him. Although I see him getting weaker and weaker, but the says the Chinese medicine makes him feel better. One month later, though, I made an appointment to see the best Gastroenterologist in the country, Prof Goh in UMSC, and I took that evening to accompany my Uncle despite having a very important meeting the next day. Family is utmost importance, above all else.
Prof Goh then referred us to Prof BK Yong, a Hepatobiliary Surgeon. Another doctor who is also one of the best in his field, he consulted Uncle to go for further tests to ascertain the abnormal activity near the liver and if the condition allows, to opt for surgery as soon as possible. He didn't opt for that option unfortunately. I recorded the conversation over the phone and heard it again just recently. Can't believe that all is said and done at this point, and what remains of him is all in an urn.
Hard to believe.
The final month was an in and out of the hospital for me and my family. We helped to coordinate the checking in and out, the possibility of the surgery, I was closely in discussion and updates with both the doctors, Dr Tan and Dr Yong BK, the proceedings, everything. I know my family was all very tired in this whole process, especially daddy. After work at 9 he would visit Uncle Kwong in the hospital, especially in the final 3 weeks. But he never complained single word. Daddy cooked for him almost every day after the first discharge from the hospital. My dad is a man of a good, good heart. I'm so proud to have him as my father, really. Over and over again he has proven that he is a man made figuratively of course, of diamonds, ever so rare, and so valuable. If ever I find a guy who is like my daddy, I would marry that guy. Honest.
Perhaps I'll forget the details of this whole journey in due time, but there is just too much to write. The idea of that two weeks before his demise, that I got the call from Dr Yong telling me that he has intestinal obstruction and has to opt for surgery to fix the obstruction at the expense of removing an organ, the date that I was supposed to have but was cut short due to this, the sudden call from the anesthetist Dr Tan on wanting my final signature to acknowledge that it is of high risk operation due to his worsening condition, the walk through the room before the operating theatere just to find Dr Yong and Dr Kong waiting for me to inform me that the surgery cannot be done coz of the possible intubation and extension complications, the CT scan results that I stumbled upon when I was waiting for the Dr's review and when I realized how bad the situation was, the call I made to my family when Dr told me he had only about 1-2 weeks left to live, and all of those in between. So much, really.
Was I tired? Oh, I was. For one month I was in and out of the hospital, for my day job and then my personal night visits. The final two weeks saw me going into the hospital for my usual visits daily I considered the hospital as my second home already. But I also know, that Uncle Kwong appreciated our company, that staying in the hospital can really really be very lonely. Good thing he opted for a private room. In that final two weeks we did our best to keep him company and reduce his pain.
That was all that could be done.
Funny, with all the advancement of today's medication, there are some things that are just beyond our control.
After his demise, I gave two basket of fruits to the two doctors who I thought was deserving. The final piece of action I have done in the name and appreciation of Uncle Kwong.
Do I have any regrets?
No.
I do not.
It is because I know for a fact that I have done all in my ability to care for my dear uncle in his times of need. From trying to persuade him to go for the surgery, to planning my evenings with him as the priority, from helping to coordinate things and use my connections for such times, and it all the things that was done, really.
And I am also proud of my family, because from his incident I know, that daddy and mummy has brought us up to be good individuals with good values, to have the heart to care for the sick and in need, for a fact that Uncle Kwong wasn't related to us by blood, but he was to us like family that we took the extra miles, I'm proud of every single one of us for having the heart of empathy. That, is how a person is defined-character, and it is through such difficult times will you see a person'a true color.
Which is why I really appreciate, when Alvin and Syam took the effort to come for the wake, the day after his demise.
Especially Alvin, he came down from Malacca and after running his errands, came to the wake to pay his last respects. I know he was tired, I could see it in his face, which is why I appreciate his presence that day, and I am sure Uncle Kwong did too. Alvin went to accompany me to visit Uncle Kwong too, during the time when Uncle Kwong was around in his final week. He is indeed a person with a thoughtful heart. Perhaps it was too overwhelming for him. Angel also came to visit and she was so empathic towards the suffering of a Uncle. I have great friends. People like Angel, Alvin, Syam. :) God Bless them three.
Uncle Kwong left us with a void that is impossible to fill.
But for all that is worth, I'm glad that I have had an uncle to care for, who cared for me and my family too, who laughed with us, traveled with us, shared this lifetime moments with us, brought us to eat so much of good food and started the food frenzy in my family, enjoyed all the celebrations, and made life more worthwhile.
May you rest in peace Uncle Kwong.
You will be dearly missed.
Lotsa love.
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