Some thoughts just Linger...

I looked at the muffin. It looked smaller than I remembered it to be.

I looked at it even more tentatively, and I realised that the taste was different than what was in my memory.

I swear the texture was softer and fluffier the last time I ate this.

And then I thought, did it really change?

Or was I the one who had changed?

Then suddenly a gush of sadness and an utmost endearing feeling of missing I had for Sainsbury's muffin came rushing in!!! Grrr...

People say that when you have traveled enough and seen enough of the world, you would develop a different perception in life. The things that used to matter wouldn't matter so much anymore, and other things, like that sweetheart of yours whom you perhaps didn't appreciate as much when his presence was felt nearby meant a whole lot more to you when absence makes the heart grow fonder. Well, that's perception towards people, and now it's back to the muffin.

While I was eating that chocolate muffin with looked a bite-size smaller than it's previous size, I was wondering how come there was so much discontentment in my heart at the moment. Was it really because the taste was almost unbearable, or was it because I was just plain pissed to know that what I want at this moment, I won't be able to obtain? (I'd trade Sainsbury muffins for all the muffins in Malaysia!!!). I'm pretty sure its the latter. To recall the taste of the blueberry muffins, chocolate, toffee and chocolate chips, it tears my heart to pieces to know that it's unreachable right now!!!

And then suddenly the thoughts of Sheffield came flashing by.

It's hard to believe that it's been so long yet the memories still seemed so fresh.

And I think I know the second contributing factor to my emo-ness.

The darn weather.

Has anyone realised that the weather recently has been all so gloomy and damp, with all the rain in the midst of dawn?

It makes the whole morning seem so...dull..somewhat melancholic.

And that is one of the reason why Sheffield came into place, because it often has slight rain over there, and when it rained, the weather would be perfect. Perhaps a little too cold at times, but I'd trade 365 days of the weather here for a day of the weather there! The chilled air makes foot-walking a bliss..suddenly I'm recalling the red bricks that builds The Forge, Kwong Hing Departmental Store, the lounge, all of it. And I miss sharing hot coffee or cappuccino while walking in the drizzle with him. Costa Coffee. =)

I remember the moment we first stepped out of Manchester Airport. The cold air, the view of the buildings, the chilly drizzle, the happy faces, the excitement of it all. I remember buying two bottles of drinks. My first purchase in the UK with British pounds. One for myself, and the other for him. It was technically my first gift to him there, although very insignificant. That is why I kept it until the day we had to pack and leave. And I also remember the last time I breathe it's air at that same spot 4 months later. It was sadness, really. Didn't want to leave, but a part of me was ready to go home. The air was cold too, that very night.

It has to be the darn weather. Or is it because my mind feels so confused?? I'm pressured by that darn ultimatum every day until it's affecting my performance at work. I used to be able to get up easily, and I used to have such a positive mind. But nowadays, it's just plain demotivating. Every time I make my decision, something triggers that makes me want to decide otherwise. What a fickle-minded bitch I am sometimes.

And then I thought to myself...

Why in the hell are you so frustrated for??

There are so many things to be grateful for. I have a job that pays me considerably well, with little stress, and my colleagues are the best people to work with. Rathika and Shalu are just darlings, and Eddie is a good sight amidst the four walls (handsome =)). Wilson's wife keeps feeding us with sumptuous home-made cakes and you know how much I love homemade!!! Five of us makes a happy gang, and that irritates Madam Wong (My Manager), and she doesn't like us fooling around, but we are just rebellious creatures and she gets more pissed off because she's unable to control us, and that is why work is so interesting. A combination of laughter, stress, boredom and targets, well I'm contented. Workplace ain't far at all, just 8 minutes from home, and my big boss (Mr. Damon) has such adorable gestures that easily puts a smile upon my face. But to know of the thought that I may be leaving all that soon...........

My family members are the best as always...and I am debt free! So why the hell so stress man???

Then I realised, that perhaps I'm just a spoilt ungrateful brat.

So I should...

Be grateful at all times.

Stop living in the past.

And look forward to the future.

A future that I would look forward to with more "gear" if I were in the UK!

Ughhhh...The grass is always greener the other side right???

But I can't complain. Back then, life was easy, coz everything was paid for and that made a whole lot of difference.

Time to snap out of it!

Easier said than done, ehy??

Why can't UK just be a stone's throw away? Not 15 hours from Malaysia?

Gosh, just the weather and a muffin can make me think so much.

Imagine what a break-up would do to me!

Ah well, have a great evening everyone.




lotsa love.