Curtain Call. =)

And so the year went by,
With an abundance of laughter,
goodness and cheers,
Pinches of inevitable sadness along the way,
But the path was meaningful,
Nothing short,
But beautiful.

Life is like riding a train. You get in and start your journey, and your aim is to reach your destination at the end of the road. Along the way you face some stops (some hardships), some bends (some heartbreaks and burnt friendships), sometimes life is full speed ahead, sometimes it comes to a slow and you're able to take a breather.

Sometimes it's noisy (filled with stress and troubles) and yet, at times it can be calm. Along the way people board in, and some goes off. Some people ride along half way and be with you till the very end (there are people whom you can rely on through good times and bad), some just takes off half way. Some, gives you smiley faces and takes the effort to start a conversation with you (these people would be the important characters of your life).

And then when you reach the very end, you'd reflect on your life and how the crossroads you've encountered, and the turns you decide to take makes you the person that you have become. Well, this year for me it was a long road, with a pinch of everything on the above.

This year, I was blessed with uncountable happiness.

And some goal reaching. Achieved Bachelors. Made Mami and Papi proud. =)

Some self-actualisation (according to Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs)

And loads and loads of shopping..! =) I felt like I'm at the tip of a cherry of the creamiest chocolate icing in the world. =) Apparently for this second half of the year, the icing on the cake has been really thick, and on top of that, God has blessed me with the juiciest, sweetest cherry that I ever had. =) Of course, some parts of the cake are smudged (shitty times), but for the most part, it was creamed and iced to perfection. =)

And I am blessed. I've traveled to in total, 12 countries this year, to the UK, through Europe, and Australia. =) And it's record breaking. =)

I've sailed through the aisle of the Seine River in France,

Touched pretty white snow in Switzerland,


Sat on a gondola and experienced the Venice,


Seen some of the most beautiful churches in Italy and UK,

Sat at the Eye of London,

Marveled at some of the world's greatest architecture,

Caught a glimpse of the perfect rainbow in Scotland,

Lived in a castle for a day,

Seen breathtaking views that I'll remember for a lifetime...

Ah.. the list is never ending...

And above all of that, I found someone along the way that walked through the journey with me. To make all those existing memories all the more sweeter, that even condensed milk can't beat it. It was really because of him that every step I took while being in a foreign land left all the more deeper footprints, and the cause and ultimately the reason for his existence and company, I'll always appreciate and cherish..

I didn't write any resolutions last year, because I know that resolutions for me, would just be effective in the first three days and that is as far as it goes. So I just go day by day being the best person I can be. For Christmas, Jon wrote me a long card, and in the card he asked me if I thought the year ahead would be more exciting than that of the current year. I smiled to myself, because I know that this year would probably top my list as "The Best Year of My Life", and I think I've lived through every moment of it, with no regrets at all.

So however mundane life would be after this, it would be alright, because I will always have this year to refer back to, to remind me how beautiful the world is. =)

I spent the New Year counting down in The Curve. Yeap, not the usual homey celebration! Company with the guys was nothing short but awesome, though I miss my honey to bits. Came home at 2.30 am! hahahah yay record breaking!!! =) Well, I hope the past year has been nothing short but awesome for everyone else. Let past mistakes make us a better person for the future.

For now, raise your glass and be geared up of a whole new year, a whole new achievements, and a whole new excitement to come!

Happy New Year 2011!!! =)

Say hello to the new decade!

Cheeriosssssss!


lotsa love.

Just because I'm Late.

It's all about the randomness in things.

And suddenly you realise that life is not so random after all.

It's all about the numbers.

Somewhere in the universe, there are strings of numbers that connects each and every one of us.

Strings that make even the most random of things possible.

Not true?

Let's see.

When we wake up, what is the first thing that we see?

The clock.

What are we working so hard for?

Money.

Supposedly, one fine day, you wake up late, rush to work, you still wanted to straighten that hair. On the device. 5 more minutes. Rush rush rush, you forget to off it. May burn your house down. Just coz of that 5 more minutes.

Everything that surrounds us right now, from skyscrapers and aeroplanes, they are the result of innovations in numbers.

Even the most simplest of things.

Your birth date.

Some people don't believe in horoscopes, but there are things that would be a person's characteristics just because he or she is born in that particular day. And by those numbers one can see his or her compatibility with another person. It's all a part and parcel of how numbers play such an impact in our lives.

It's true.

Why the sudden mentioning? Amy did some counting for me today, and by that she managed to guess a few accurate things about me, and then there was my Godsister which enlightened me about the significance of numbers in our lives. Which is true, really.

Well, I just brought Rocky out for a walk this evening. And then when we were at this park, this damn Malay man came up to me and prohibited me to walk the lands of the park beside my house because I was having Rocky with me. He was like, "Excuse me miss, do dogs allowed." I was like, what the hell??? Then he pointed to that freaking board with the "no animal sign". Dammit. What rubbish is that? A park is a free land dammit. How can the damn authorities put up something so damn biased man? It's not like my Rocky was not tied to a chain. He was well within my grip! And he doesn't bite. Why in the hell does this country have to get so discriminative??? That's one of the damn reason why I just hate this country. Shit.

And well, I was late by 7 minutes this evening for his walk. If I was a wee bit early, I'd probably wouldn't have bumped into that freaking gardener. And my walk would be at peace. Such a mood spoiler man. The stupid authorities should put a note that states "Stray Dogs would be Captured." Not a stupid sign like that man. That, I would totally understand. Because of the danger that it may do to small kids. But my Rocky is perfectly trained and he is with ME! What position is he in to restrict me like that??? It's a public area man! Ewwww! Disgusting. That's an outright discrimination to everyone else in the neighbourhood that is not a Malay. And mind me, the majority of populations here are Chinese and Indians, and most Chinese residents here have DOGS! Only the Malays in the lower end area in Pantai Dalam which I must say is a total spoiler to the nice neighbourhood we have here shares a piece of this the area and I must stress again, "on the other side". Unfortunately for us, we have to share the park.. How come there is no sign stating "No Cats Allowed"??? What rubbish man.

And you know, now we even have security guards to uplift the security of the area because it's due to the sad-case Malay punks that used to come about in the area and make tons of noises, as as well as commit crime cases such as snatch theft that we have no choice but to increase the security level of the area. They are the mischievous ones and we, law abiding citizens have to pay the price of not even having a decent freedom of bringing our dogs for a brisk evening walk around the park??? Ultimately de-stupid man!

This is a free country you say??? Bull Shit.

Ughhh...

Was it all worth it?

Some people think that to Love is the hardest thing
But it's not
No one says that there is a shortcut to loving someone
And that's true
But no one ever said that the reality of the road
To put an end to the Love you have for someone
Could be harder
To suck it in and break it into fragments
Compress it all until the last piece vanishes
It just seems impossible...


We frail humans
Ever so easily we fall in Love
Sweet words of passion, adoration and hidden meanings
We fall head over heels
We perceive rejection as a motivation to keep trying
We take a "No" as a striving factor
And put it all out to hope for a "Yes"
We take the concept of "losing" and turn it into a "winning"
Despite failed attempts, we believe that all hope is not lost
How come we do not get such intensity in areas other than Love?


We frail homo sapiens
Sometimes we do not tell
The outburst of throbbing passion felt for that special someone
Someone we would give the world
To have that person look the same way our eyes do when looking at that person
To watch those glimmer in those eyes
But we are weak
We just watch in the corner
Being a friend in need In times of hardships and turbulence
And sigh deep in the heart when the eye of the prize
Rests comfortably in the arms of another.


"Live and let live", we say
As long as she is happy, I will be
Could this statement be true?
Or is it just a word of deceit to the already torn heart?
Will you ever wonder how it would be
Should you be given the chance?
Does the chance even ever exists?


The frail people that we are
Made out of two personalities-the good and bad
In the book of Love and infatuation
Where fidelity is a concern
When things get blown out of proportion
More than one person gets hurt
Then we ask "Was it worth it?"
Would you have put your heart on the table if u knew
That it would go through a knife?
We experiment the heart and look for its technicalities
Yet there's no explanation for the most drastic of behaviours Jealousy, pain, and anxiety
(Quote from Eugene)
"Love is like a pen-rose stairs"
Every now and then we find
We're back to square one
Thoughts that still linger in the heart
Was it all worth it?


I asked a person whom his heart was severely broken
Over and over again
I asked
'Was it all worth it?"
He answered
"I would put my heart on that board again
If I had to relive my past once more
I would get burned in the sun
And drenched in the pouring rain
And walk that agonizing lane
Again.
Because every pain was worth it
Because SHE was worth it
Don't ask me why
I don't know
I just know that
She IS..."


Dedicated to him.

Lotsa love.

Pissed.

I can't wait to get a space of my own.

A house.

Where everything is just the way I want it to be.

Where things are placed in places that are 'supposed to be' in.

Away from structural damage, and away of the mood swings where I have to put up with so much rubbish. (Literal rubbish)

A space that I can call my own, and have everything just the way I want it to be.

Where house chores wouldn't even be a wee bit burdening.

A place where I can find peace.

And not try to make one.

A place that is just simple..not too complicated..

Well it doesn't sound so impossible, isn't it???

Then why does it feel so impossible to attain it here at home?????????

Wishful Thinking...

I think Taylor Swift's 'Back to December' is pretty good.

She's best at slow numbers.

Well, not that it's outstanding or anything, but I guess the reason why she is infamous is because her songs relate easily to everyone no matter what age, which gender, etc. Her lyrics are simple (really, even I could write better =)), but hey, slow songs should never be too bombastic in words. Leave that to literature. =) Also, it's meaningful enough and it reflects enough intensity in each line in the attempt to picture the whole message and expression that she feels at that one particular point of time for perhaps that someone. Broken hearts, moving on, hey, what's new right???

But well, I guess it's the whole package. She's simply a likable person, and I don't get that easily irritated (that quickly) when I hear her in the car. So she's good. Hahaha.

One song though, has got me thinking. That new song.

This verse especially.

I'm so glad you made time to see me
How's life, tell me how's your family
I haven't seen them in a while
You've been good, busier then ever
We small talk, work and the weather
Your guard is up and I know why

'Cause the last time you saw me
Is still burned in the back of your mind
You gave me roses and I left them there to die

So this is me swallowing my pride,
Standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night
And I'd go back to December all the time...

Well, it's that time of the year now, December, where festive seasons ring the air, snow on the ground (on one part of the world), while it's streaking hot (on the other side of the world), while it still feels the same shitty hot in some parts (Malaysia, I mean) but it's still doesn't change 'that' time of the year. The time to forgive and forget. Soon it will be the closure of the month thus the year, and it perhaps most of us would do some reflecting about the happenings in the past 365 days. I, for one have nothing to regret about. It's been blissful. No regrets, but perhaps one.

It's sad to know that sometimes things don't go the way you want it to go, does it? And endings are not as beautiful as beginnings. But it's the way life patterns itself.

******************

I picture sitting down in a coffee store, perhaps something like Secret Recipe or Coffee Bean. Having a casual and friendly "how are you" conversation, smiling across to the table like the past held no effect whatsoever to me. I picture that relief to see that grin smiling back at me, and the normal conversations that we could have over a cup of tea and coffee. Cake would not be a choice for this company. Crack some silly jokes along the way, no awkward stares, just simple, easy-going conversations that perhaps would last a few hours. No sensitive issues, just random, carefree, happy.

But I know it will never happen. Well yeah I know, I know that I am a strong advocate of "there is no such thing as never and forever" thing, but there are some things you just know for sure that the odds of it happening are close to none. Not that I want it to happen, but I want that relief feeling, to know, just to know that everything is fine, and that the past is just a fragment, a chapter of an already closed book. How long would it take?? 1 December? 2 Decembers?? I just need to know to lessen my guilt. That it is not a make-belief, that there is no..facade.. and that can only be seen when two sets of eyes lock into each other.

When my flight got delayed in my return journey to Kuala Lumpur from Perth airport, I looked in the huge glass mirrors and marveled at the giant planes, looking at each logo to signify the different airlines. I dislike delayed flights. It's agitating. Everyone was feeling so restless, I recalled. And then suddenly in the midst of boredom, I spotted a not-so-appealing air steward in that green MAS suit, (probably would be serving me later) walking out of the gate. Thereafter my thoughts drifted to a faraway space and time in the future. I picture myself traveling like this, like it was a lifestyle, like a job requirement and in the picture, I seem bored. Suddenly I see that familiar figure, and felt that pleasant surprise, saw that awfully familiar smile that I yearn to see, and perhaps a few lines of conversation.
But I know our future will not coincide in the future. Near or far.

I know great lengths are taken to ensure that does not happen.

But perhaps our future might intertwine. Perhaps in the time line of the universe and space, the universe would choose to be magnanimous, to let me see that smile.

Perhaps not.

There is guilt in my heart.

But there are some things that are best left at just the way it was.

I know. Because I'm happy now. And I wish the same, or if not, even more for the person.

Just a thought anyways. =)




lotsa love.

Scones

I was looking at the Milo sachets in my luggage.

I still remember clearly the whole picture when sis packed my Milo and Nescafe sachets for me.

It was a day before I took my flight to Sheffield, the night of tedious and what seemed like a never-ending packing, surprising thing for a person who flew quite a lot like me. It had to clearly be the reason coz of the four months duration. Just couldn't narrow down my clothes!!!

And now I look at it, thinking that many things have already happened since that memory came flashing in my mind.

And I smiled to myself because there is only one reason why I've been taking those remaining sachets all around the world. =)

Well, I do miss my family a lot, despite the distance that has been keeping us apart.

And I miss them even more whenever I watch cool movies in while the whole family love, like Glee and we get all so hyped up about it. That is why watching Glee in Aussie is never the same anywhere else in the world as compared to another week night on my lazy couch watching movies like that, for when something ÖMG-ish comes out, well, it's just a natural response to squeal out loud! And it's fun because somewhere in the house I'd hear sis squealing out loud, echoing me too. =) And then there is that 2 seconds stare when the drama gets all the more interesting and we'd give each other that OMFG stare just after the episode ends or when the commercial kicks in. =)

(A few days ago)

I baked Banana Scones today!

Hehe..had a lot of fun playing with the dough and the excessive flour.. never new messiness that was more fun than that! And made my first dough...... oh man.. that feeling... utter contentment..! hahaha... I'm weird right? But you see, I like the sight of doughs, with all the process of rolling and moulding.. =) And it's different when u'r ''hands-on'' on t u know. =)

I took before and after pictures! =) Haha.. (sometimes it astonishes me how ridiculous I can get)

Hot from the oven, glaze a thick layer of Harrodd's Strawberry jam, pour in freshly chilled orange juice, and viola, wonderful tea time!!!! =)

Anita says if we had some whip cream over it, it would be nicer..but I like it just the way it is. =)

Well, I'm gonna be giving my cousin my leftover sachets...Since the Milo in Aussie sux! =)

Ps: I miss my Milo maker! =)

lotsa love.

Heartbeat

Today was a day spent eating dim sum and shopping in the heart of Perth City. Got meself a few nice wardrobes... And I thought I was very happy..

And so I walked down the street, and entered this huge store. The arrays of clothes seemed never ending. You see, the one thing that differentiates UK and Aussie is that the apparels here, they are more, adapting, rather than the latter which screams extremist. In the UK, it's either the cheapest (Primark, winks*) or the most expensive (CK, FCUK, AX, TH, etc), quite rarely anything in the middle, other than M&S where the fashion, not my type, but in Aussie, middle ranges are found in abundance..! Aussie offers many of their infamous home brands, some only established in this land, but the fashion and all, not bad indeed.

And those pretty and dainty party dresses.. gosh there were soooo many it almost brought me to tears... And the price! If only I knew I was coming to Aussie, I would have saved and spent it more here..!

And so back to that store..I was looking, and a then.. and then and then.. I saw it.. I saw it hanging there.. so pretty, so dainty, so hot.. in beautiful black...

I saw that dress... And I knew it was mine to have...

It was a long time since I felt like that for any dress, the last time was my Birthday dress.. I fell in love with it and bought it of course... And that dress that hung there, it gave me the same feeling! Gosh... it was beautiful! Cocktail, tube, with light puffs at the bottom..

Headed straight to the dressing room..

Woops, wrong size..!

And then... the most devastating news...

THERE'S NO MORE OF MY SIZEEEEEEEEE!

Oh man...oh no..I felt my heart crash right that instant.

Like I saw my heart beating on the floor and I couldn't do anything but just watch it. (okay that was way to dramatic)

...
..
But you know, that utter disappointment...

It's like looking at a guy you love but know that you'll never have him.

Ugh..sucky feeling. Ah well, it's a girl thing I guess..

Sighs...I'm sooo not gonna forget that dress..

Now my heart is itching..

What a day... Well, I just wanted to pen this down for.. memory I guess..

Sometimes it's fate huh? Or perhaps it's just bad timing. Could have had the dress if I were there even an hour earlier perhaps..! But hey, i'll never know, would I???

lotsa love.

You Won't Forget

I baked again today. And it felt like deja vu.. And it was, except that it felt like such a long time ago since I baked, when the fact is, the last time was just several months ago, back at Sheffield. Perhaps I have been through and seen so much that it took toll on time for me, like I was aging mentally, much faster that I thought I was. Well, figuratively. I felt old for a moment. I was searching on the Internet for an estimation of the measurements, and suddenly it felt like Iwas at my D321A window, with the church not far away, on a nice breezy evening, searching on the Internet for something similar. Everything felt so real, but it wasn't.

And suddenly I had this strange longing.

I long to feel the breeze while I walk down Moor Street. I long to feel the air at the back of my neck, sending me chills down my spine. There's a lot to miss, surely. And I miss it even more now that I know that it will only be a memory from now on. I know that I will go back to Shef one day. But nothing would be the same again. Some things would change. The way I see it would change. I would change, for sure.

There were many things I learned being abroad. And I'm glad that one of it was baking. =)

I love to bake. I remember going to the library back at F4 and looking at cookbooks when I'm supposed to search for Biology additional referencing books. I love mixing the ingredients together, and looking through the oven as the mixture fluffs up, where the colour changes to golden brown. That's perhaps the particular reason why I love to eat bread. Because I love to see the golden brownish colours, and I just adore the before-and-after look.. And the scent..ahh heaven. =) But perhaps I was never the best when it came to baking. =)

I was watching Lake House. A love so profound felt by two different people from different timelines. How is that even possible? Well, we'll never know right? Really, with the possilibities of UFOs, any darn thing is possible out there. But this movie kept me at the edge of my seat, kept me wondering how would the story end, and I'm glad it was a happy one. And then in the evening I sat down and watched Sex and the City, Season 4 and gosh, what an emotional roller coaster ride it was! I tell you I can just sit on the couch and go emo the whole day just by following the movie la. And go gaga just by looking at Carrie (SJP) and the uh-most-fashionable wardrobe..! And Aidan..now there's my dream guy... *drools*

And just before I penned this whole entry, I looked at my cake. The difference was profound, I realised it looked better, and tasted better each time I baked it. There was a smile on my face. The, I cut out a piece and placed it nicely on a plate. Looked at it really carefully. All those times it didn't turn out well, and that didn't matter. I suddenly understood why people never give up trying once they found something they love doing. Because even having failed is not so bad an experience if u enjoyed the process, while trying to figure out what went wrong. I smiled to my silly self again, and I thought, "Perhaps not all of Sheffield would be lost. Perhaps I will always have a piece of it every time I bake this cake." So yeaps.. All in all, it was an enlightening day today.

And oh yah, I went to the beach yesterday and swam at the edge of the Indian sea. Saw many good looking beach boys and their hot bod. And not that I have confidence issues, but seeing some of the babes walking by the beach makes me just wanna bury myself into the sand and stay in there. Haha. The guys here differ greatly from Asian man, because they take a whole lot of care in the looks of their body..I mean, all the guys were astonishingly well built! It was a nice sight. Haha.

After a few bumps on the arse and water seeping into the earlubes, I decided to give it a rest. Damn, the Indian waves are definitely too wild for me! Everytime the wave hit, I was blown off and landed in the weirdest of positions. And I went back for more coz it's fun to swim with the waves, until it sucked up every ounce of energy I had left. Came home feeling so fresh I couldn't sleep last night. Went for a bit of a shopping spree too. =)

Well, that's it for the crapping...It's a Sat!!! Weekend! Go out and have some fun!!!

lotsa love.

Gosh..

What another shitty night.

Imperfect.

It's overwhelmingly frustrating and dispairing at the same time, to realise the one thing you thought you know all about after 22 years of living has come around surprising you in ways you never thought it would.

After going through the sweet and sour of it, coupled by the bitterness that at once-upon-a-time seemed never-ending, I thought I understood the weight it carried by being tangled up in the tale that involves such fragile thing, and all the burden that came with it, and I do, except that I was in oblivion when it regards the term sacrifice. Perhaps it was never asked upon me by the characters of my past, where such a thing was supposingly just too much to ask, or perhaps the state that I was in was subject to comfortability and compromise that it was never raised to question, but now it is. And hell, I still don't know how to do it.

Maybe there is something wrong with me, mentally. Maybe I'm tuned in the sense that is completely different than that of others when they choose to be in a commited relationship.

Yes, yes indeed I have prioritising issues.

Does my heart work differently than my mind? Are they comprised of two seperate entities? Well, indeed, but it should work in sync right, when matters like this come in place? Heck, this matter shouldn't even be a matter in the first place. Not for the other seven billion people out there. Perhaps it is, for a significant few. Perhaps I never truly understood myself as I thought I did. Perhaps I need to attend that "do you really know yourself"class.

I don't know what's wrong with me, but I find myself deliberately acting in ways that's hurt the person that matters. And it feels like bullshit when all that he had stated make total sense to me in ways that hurt more than one, because there was a degree in truth in it, and secondly because I have evidently inflicted despair in a somewhat deliberate manner. How can I say that I don't mean it that way when everything around me points otherwise?? Does it mean he says the truth? Or that I have no arguing point? If I think I'm right, how is it possible that I do not have an arguing stand to come up with???

Now I feel like a sore loser. I dun like to hurt. No one does. It's a pretty shitty feeling.

And frankly, I'm tired of hearing the same thing over and over again.

How come I don't have brain cells that work like a normal person??

..

Hearing Grenade now by Bruno Mars. It's a good song, but a pretty emo one. Ain't feeling any better. Ughsss....

Simple-ness.

Ugh.. I had this stchu-pid dream yesterday. Some dream about some moment in the past that was re-ignited out of no reason. And woke up remembering some of the details, which was funny, because technically people forget 90% of their dreams and only a significant few percentage remembers them. Why in the hell did I fall in that 10%?? Ugh... Guess that's the downside for sleeping waaaay past wake-time right? While I find dreams fascinating sometimes, I wonder why we can't control it the way we want it to be. It would be a whole lot better, wouldn't it? It would be like flipping channels on a tv. How I wish.

Today was a gloomy day.. Went out to dry my clothes only to realise it was raining, and it was continuous all morning to evening. Now it's all cold and the ground is all wet and mushy. Gooosh, I so hope tomorrow would be a sunny day! I'm keeping my fingers crossed!

Anyways, did i mention the two most adorable dogs that keeps me company?? Gosh they are super cute! =) Im falling in love with the smaller one, he's called Oi, coz he simply reminds me so much of ColB. He's a shih tzu. Then the other more aristrocrat one is Oly..don't they have the cutest names? Love to squeeze Oi. Gosh...i feel like I just betrayed ColB. Bad mummy.. hehe..

Listening to Mylie Cyrus now. Titled "Every Rose has it's Thorn". It's just the right song to accompany through nights like this. Dark, gloomy. Missing him. =) Good song. Hate to admit it but that Disney girl has got talent.



I'm looking forward to having a sweeeet dream tonight. And I'm sure I will. =)
Somehow I'm blessed, to know that there's someone I can turn to to always put a smile on my silly face. And I love how silly that makes me feel. =)

lotsa love.

Thing's that I Gotta Face Soon..

So here I am breezing the air of Australia. Perth, to be exact.

Been here for a few days now, and honestly, and since it's been only a few days, I'm enjoying my rather laid back life. The honestly not-a-damn-thing-to-do is really giving me a lot of spare time to think, and while I'm at it, I'm pondering about my life now. And suddenly it feels like "lost in wonderland".

This year has been the most remarkable year. It truly was. But now that I'm at the verge of the end, I'm wondering about "what's next" in my life's list. I'm wondering, is that it? Yea I know that life doesn't halt here, but I'm thinking, is life going to be so rigid, just like every fresh graduate now, we're going to look for that "dream"job, start a career and hope to be successful one day? Why do we all follow the same path? Is life of this era composed to be of such path, or do we just conform to society? Yes, some of us have to find jobs to secure a steady financial income for various reasons, but really, is that what life after graduation is?? Isn't there just more to life??? What happened to just being implusive rather than a conformist?? Isn't it time now to realise some things in that to-do-list of yours that has been put off over and over again over more "important issues"? Well, as for me, I've always wanted to sky dive. Haha. But that... I gotta pend some more because I can't afford a private jet yet. But what about all the stuffs that can be done?? Once we jumpstart our working life, ther would be no turning back, and other freetimes would be proven too cumbersome or tiresome to realise those dreams. There's just so much to do in so little time. Plus with family commitments and what not.

And then there is another issue of knowing what to do, but not knowing it at the same time. It's like knowing the necessary things that has to be done but then not knowing how to go about doing that. Like me now. I'm back to square one! It feels like I'd never grown up, just playing my past like a broken record. After Form 5 I had this nauseatic feeling of being lost, not knowing the person I want to become, then in Dip (Law vs IB), and now here I am again. Ugh.. I can't seem to find a job that fits me. Maybe I should just realise my life long dancing dream (haha, that's a joke), or oh yea, maybe I should go against adversity and be a ballet teacher or gymnastics coach. I'm qualified for that. =) And I have a soft spot for kids. =) Haha.

Ah well, decisions decisions decisions. Much to worry about when I get home. But I believe all will turn out well somehow. =) Till then, I'm gonna stop my whining and enjoy Aussie! Holidays have yet to start here for me! There's a whole lot of stuffs to savour! So might as well just enjoy it! *winks*

lotsa love.

>:(

... controlling ...

.. such a dominating, overpowering expression ..

.. and I fucking hate the word..

GEMS of Wisdom!

I remember back a few years ago, I used to hate going to college. I hated every moment of it. I remember not taking a second look at my closet and grab the first thing to put on to head to that gilded cage of mine. I remember putting that scornful face every time I walk into the hallways.

Maybe it was the shift of atmosphere. Or how unfair life is. To know I could have ended up in Taylors but ended up going to 'that' TARC.

I always wondered why daddy choose to put me there, and he explained to me, though the justification didn't sink into me. Guess because my glass was full of hatred for college at the time that nothing could change it.

College to me was never a happy place.

But now, as I look back at it, I realised how foolish I was.

Yes, I hated college (not as much now I suppose), but to think about it now, I would have never got a chance to see the world and the beauty that it holds if it weren't for me getting stuck in that place for over four years. Because every sacrifice was worth it. =)

I wouldn't have completed my education in such a proud and classy manner.

I would probably end up being a spoilt brat and never learnt the true value of money and how hard is it to earn it.

I would probably still not know how to converse in Cantonese!

So lesson learned:

1.Don't get agitated too easily.
2.See the brighter side in life. There is always a choice.
3.Choose to be happy no matter how bitter the circumstances thrown at you may seem.
4.CHOOSE TO BE GRATEFUL.
5. Always know that GOD has bigger plans for you. You'll just have to be patient. =)


Here's something Vanessa sent to me.
I think it's quite nice. =)

(Gems of WISDOM)

1] Prayer is not a "spare wheel" that you pull out when in trouble, but it is a "steering wheel" that directs the right path throughout

2] Do you know why a cars' WINDSHIELD is so large & the Rear-view Mirror is so small? Because our PAST is not as important as our FUTURE. Look Ahead and Move on!

3] Friendship is like a BOOK. It takes few seconds to burn, but it takes years to write one!

4] All things in life are temporary. If going well, enjoy it, they will not last forever. If going wrong, don't worry, they can't last long either.

5] Old Friends are Gold! New Friends are Diamond! If you get a Diamond, don't forget the Gold! Because to hold a Diamond, you always need a Base of Gold!

6] Often when we lose hope and think this is the end, GOD smiles from above and says, "Relax, sweetheart, it's just a bend, not the end!

7] When GOD solves your problems, you have faith in HIS abilities; when GOD doesn't solve your problems HE has faith in your abilities.

8] A blind person asked Swami Vivekanand: "Can there be anything worse than losing eye sight?" He replied: "Yes, losing your vision!"

9] When you pray for others, God listens to you and blesses them, and sometimes, when you are safe and happy, remember that someone has prayed for you.

10] WORRYING does not take away tomorrow’s TROUBLES, it takes away today’s PEACE!


lotsa love.

Aussie!!

I'm going to Australia this Friday!

Feels a bit sudden, really but love the gush of randomness and excitement!

Yays!~

...Him.. =)

It's funny.

Whenever I was in Sheffield, I often get glimpses, either in my dreams or in reality of that old place I call home. Now that I'm back home, thoughts and photographic memories of my days in Sheffield appear in my mind, sometimes like a broken record when I'm home feeling aimless. Makes me miss the place so much.

And the one thing that formed a huge part of my 'good old' days was...him.

I wrote a note to summarise my stay at Sheffield, and it was meant to be a summary.. but lines flowed after lines, and soon it was paragraphs after paragraphs.. The part which I liked most was this. There and then, I wrote;

In here I found another person whom in a way is very much similar with me but in the other end has a wholesome personality of my total opposite. A person who has been very patient in dealing with my imperfectness and accepts me for the flawed person I am, whether deliberate or unintentional, he has always been there for me through thick and thin, and it is him that I owe the wonderful memories, because he made all the mundane things special, like simply walking down the streets of Sainsbury, the underground bridge to the university, and the casual visits to Aldi Departmental Store. He was the person that would drag me out of my room during a bright sunny day, or during the times when my lazy arse doesn’t want to go anywhere but bumming on the bed, wanting me to appreciate every moment while being here and never lets a single moment go insignificantly.

He’s the one that would share his meals with me unhesitantly, and definitely, the one who taught me how to appreciate even the most simplest things, like appreciating everything around me while taking a walk, appreciating it even when it gets too cold, appreciating tender meat and well cooked fries and a good cup of coffee. He’s the only guy I know that pours four spoonful of Milo into a cup and enjoys the chocolate-y flavour of it. After being with him, there is no such thing as Instant Milo. =D The meticulous person he is infected me in ways I never gave a second thought at, and perhaps I’m not thankful for some stuffs, because his way of savouring differs greatly from mine, but I’m thankful for the differences anyways.

Yeap, he's my silly one.

A darling in so many ways...



lotsa love.

Through my window at night... =)

Don't get me wrong, I love nature. And I especially love it when it rains. But if it rains at night, when its all dark and gloomy, I can't help but hating it a bit because it contributes to the eerie-ness of the night and heck, it can be a bit scary man. Not that I'm a coward alright. And the one thing I don't like is when I look out my parent's room window and I look at the lonely, dim-lit road ahead of me, and it just feels so empty.

There were a lot of incidences at night by windows around my house. I remember once Kevin came by to chat with me before leaving to Scotland, and it was funny because I was looking at him below from that same window while he was looking up to me from outside his car while we were on the phone having a looooong conversation. (he was afraid of the exclamation "Dad has chained the door", so he chose not to come in =)). It was a silly thing to do coz I could just head downstairs and chat with him but I hey, I didn't (winks) and I guess that's why its nice. Well, it's nice to be silly once in awhile. =) It can be uplifting..!

And then it's also through that window where we would usually run up to at the strike of midnight during new year (when I was younger and fireworks were astonishingly beautiful) that we would run towards it to see fireworks lit and flown from Bukit Jalil into the dark sky, filling the night with multiple rainbows of colours and shapes. Yeap, it can be seen... and it's quite nice still. Hehe...free fireworks to watch with no jam or hassle at all, just climb to the highest level, how convenient is that????????? =)

Then I remember that other window in my room too, where I would have very long conversations over nothing at all (over the phone) and feel nice because the other person is just a distance away from my window, and ah, the window down the kitchen during New Year until three in the morning this year. It was a conversation I had that was drawn on a very thin line of chance, when the future of this year (at the time) was pretty ambiguous, and I didn't know which road to take. The promises made in a distance, the seriousness of it all, all that bits and pieces of memories-all that came flowing back just by looking at the rain outside my window.

Gosh, that is just too much of flash-backing over one insignificant thing -my window, isn't it??? See how the mind of a female species works???? =D But it's the past now, and it was just for a fraction of moment. Someone told me that it's okay to relive the past once in awhile as long as I know how to return to the current and look to the future, coz it's the part and parcel of what makes me who I am today. Now I'm living in the present, and I'm happy, and I don't think I'll look beyond my window the same way ever again.

Oh, bout the fruit tart that I mentioned in the previous post, I have a pic of it. Look. =)

Isn't this just cute??? *yummies*

lotsa love.

I don't want to sleep tonight.

Randomness.

It's two thirty in the morning.

And these are the things cropped up in my mind right now.

1. I realised how fast things can change. One moment you're close and the next thing you know, you're not. Perhaps is the way of life?? It's never meant to be bittersweet all the time right?? The same reason why God created the sun and the rain. To provide balance. Where there is light, darkness lurk around the corner. Rain will come after the sun, but the sun comes back up after it rains. So we can always hope, right???

2. Work. I'm wondering which line should I be in my area of work preference. For a newly bredded fish like me, many different boats (companies) out there, comprised of big and small. And I'm wondering on which to choose. Then there is the issue on whether there is a chance for me or not. There is no pressure on me, but I'm pressuring myself out of no reason. Perhaps it's the outcome of being toooooo free??? I don't know man, seriously.

3. I wish I know how to bake more. I mean, the most I know is how to bake banana cake. And that is the easiest thing to bake compared to like, fruit cake or something. Even my banana cake is lower than decent. Sighs...I have a really nice neighbour who took some time and baked for us a some really tasty custard fruit tarts. It was something simple, but heartfelt for sure. =) It tastes nice too. =) I have nice neighbours around here, though generally, it's in the human nature to be nosy at times. Maybe because they are toooooo free as well??? Or maybe it's back to the "it's in the nature" department. I don't know again.

But I like this place. I like the neighbourhood, and love the aura that surrounds us altogether. I'd love to spend my future somewhere here, send my kids to the place where I used to study... make them as active as I was. I'm even keeping my gymnastic apparatuses for the somewhat distant future. And well, my thoughts are drifting way too far now. But it's impossible for now, since dad just broke the news to me that getting a house, or even a condo apartment in PJ would cost no less than RM 300K. Now that's one dream that's gotta go into the 'pending list' for a period. Ugh, disappointment.

4. I had a bad dream last night. The worst of all dreams. A nightmare. The feeling that I am most afraid of, of loosing someone, and it's been haunting me all day. And I don't wanna mention it to the family because it would stir up weird emotions, though mom told me that if ever we had any bad dream, its custom to bite any wood we see at first sight the moment we get up from bed, and sort of tell it out so that it won't happen. A superstitious way of the natives back in the Phils. I wonder if it works. Coz if it does I'll bite wood all day, even until I bleed.

5. My thoughts are drifting far...to a faraway, somewhat familiar place. And I do not like it.

Sugarsweet...

The most perfect things in life could be made out of the most simplest things.

And the simplest makes the sugar-sweetest...

Some magic lasts a moment. Others lasts a lifetime.

I found magic the moment I fell in love with you...


lotsa love.

Love Rock-Awesomeness!!!! =)

I remember the first time we ever saw him as a contestant coming for try outs on Idol. His first interview in front of Simon, Randy, Paula and Kara that very first time. He stood out so easily. With that rock figure and down-to-earth character, two contradicting behaviours that just seem to go so well on him. He said he has so much to give, so much to show. We watched him grow. Mom mentioned in the finals that if he EVER comes down to Malaysia she is so going.. So there we went!!! =) Kris Allen was no match to him, really. Who cares if he didn't win??? Now he's building fame worldwide like a hurricane!!!

Adam Lambert! AaaaaaaaahhhhhH!!!

I know this may sound too predictable but I just gotta post up on him and his concert.

Coz it was super duper awesome!!!

We got a seat that was juuuuust in the middle of everything, so everything was clear to view, though he was a bit small. I kinda knew he would add his laser effects on since he used it on Idol when he reappeared the next year with all the glam and success. So we got the seat that got the best view of all the laser effects..!! And whoosh..nice!!! And Gawsh, was the music loud! True rock concert it was!!! It was deafening!!! I swear I was half-deaf for like 10 minutes after the concert. But it's worth alright!


Adam is a true rock artiste to the core! In the intro he came out with his feathered hat (the same one he wore for his MV "If I Had You") and rocked the crowd to bits! Everyone was screaming their lungs out! Me included. Aaaaah!!!! =) Mom too!!! =) He sang four songs back-to-back, then went to about 3 slow numbers and finally back on the fast track! Never once, not once at all did he ran out of tune. And he hit all the high pitches and so much more!!!

Gawwwwsh.... and I love his freedom of expression man. He believes to be true to himself no matter what contradiction the world thinks of him, and that's cool! And OMG, who cares if he's gay, he's just soooo hawt!!!!!

Well enuf of the babbling. Time for some pics!

And oh yea, bumped into this old friend of mine, a former ballet classmate after the concert too! DAMN love her for being an Adam Lambert fan too!!! =)

*****ADAM LAMBERT ROCKS!!!*****

peace out.



lotsa love.