My two boys.. :)

Its lovely to watch him..

When he sleeps, when he dreams, when he is awake.. 

When he drinks his milk to contentment😏

When he laughs, and flashes a grin at me...

And every time a moment happens, we wonder what is going on in his mind, what he sees through his eyes.. And I often wonder if he knew who I was. Perhaps so, perhaps not. But it doesn't matter, he will, in time. :)

Every single day, it feels like a new journey with him as he hits his little tinny-winny milestones, and I'm ever so glad to be able to witness it all. 

I'm blessed to be married to a Singaporean, where I am being granted 16 weeks of paid maternity leave. Four months in total is a lot of time to ensure that the first few months of little bubba's life is well taken care of. 

Of course, on some days, he gets a bit more cranky than usual, but the thing about babies this small, is that they do not cry for nothing. They are yet to be attention seekers. Not this young. So crying means there is a need I have yet to fulfill. And when it gets too overwhelming, I'm so glad that I have my hubbyloo to turn to. Automatically, he would come to my aid and take over my cranky little bubba.

Over the weekends, he lets me sleep longer too, since he is around and he would let me get my rest while he takes care of little one, because he knows it's not easy to care for one little being. 

It's a really lovely sight, to watch my two most important boys in my world play around with each other. Especially when my little Shandon can often play 'coo-coo' with us already. :) It always puts a smile in both our faces. He was very cooperative too, the last time we went out for an outing in a nearby shopping mall. Makes me wanna bring him out more often! :)

They say your kids become your world when you have them. This is very true. I remember I did mention once that there isn't such thing as never and forever, but I beg to differ now, because the love of a parent towards their child will always be there, despite any circumstances. When I leave this world, I leave him as my legacy. He will carry the values that I hold most dear to towards the rest of his days, and he will always have my heart. A mother's love know no boundaries, and now I know how true that statement is. 

I love my boys. 

I'm a happy mom.

Lotsa love. 

Scars for My Boy

I have scars on my body. 

Permanent scars.

Now, when I look at myself, bare in the mirror, there is so much of me that once I had, some, even taken for granted, that I suddenly come to realize, I might never have anymore. 

So much of me has changed. Physically. I've gained so much of weight. Carrying Shandon added 16kg onto my being. 

My first impression of myself, is 'I've grown so much. I never knew I could grow so much.' For one moment, I felt ugly. Round. Unattractive. That once small waist that I used to adorn by wearing a belt on top of my usual black tops that were envy of many ladies, I don't have anymore. I wished I loved myself more. I wish I was grateful for the body I had. Probably should have took more photos of myself being more bare.

My breasts have changed too. My nipples, don't get me started. They are all bigger, to function to produce milk. 

I used to love to wear tight fitting clothes. 

Now, I've chucked all of them in a box to be put away. 

Spent some money to buy loose clothings, you know, to cover the fats I've gained.

So much difference. I feel older too. 

And then. I look at him. 

This little being, no bigger than my arm. 

And I'm amazed by what the human body can do. They say pregnancy changes you. Ohhhhhh were they right.. 

Physical changes were the most prominent. 

But, I found inner strength I never thought I had. 

My pregnancy journey has been.... Let's just say, not so smooth sailing. I got admitted at 27 weeks. My first admission. I overworked myself which led to a premature contraction. 

Then my second one was storied at my previous post. 

I entered the hospital on my 36th week and never came out of there until my little one was born.

It was not easy. It tested my very being. 

I cried. More than I ever did in my entire life. 

I feared. For the one thing that I haven't laid my eyes on yet, but had this unexplainable force of need to protect. 

I feared loss. 

I almost broke down. I teared. 

I had to become independent. Without my dear family. Only my husband. In-laws are not the same as your own family. Although I'm blessed to have the best MIl in the world. And my Sister in-law too, she was ever so caring and supportive throughout the most difficult of times. She could relate to me too, as she is a Mother of two very adorable children herself. 

I remember during the time when I was pregnant, when little Shandon was not putting as much weight as expected, she went to buy me the most expensive durians and asked me to eat aplenty as it is known that durians would add to baby's weight. Baby did grow 200 grams that week. 

I had to be strong. Not once. But twice. Or even more, I lost track. 

I was so fragile.  I suddenly realise that we humans, we are such frail beings. And living in this world now, where 'only the strongest survives', it implicates any form of diseases too, because potent diseases are very potent, and bacterias as well as viruses have evolved so much that when one gets sick from this disease, it would be a full blown, and possibly even worse than that of the same bacteria that would affect the same kind of weak human being, say 10 years ago.

But it is all said and done now, and I'm grateful that the worst is behind me. 

So those marks, those scars, every little piece of it on my body, are the reminder of my own battles. 

Mine, and no one else.

My scars show the determination, to bring a life into this world. 

I have scars on my body.

I am proud. 

Lotsa love. 

HEALTH IS GOLD

Browsing thorough my blog, I realised I haven't penned any notes on my pregnancy journey, but truth to say, so much has happened during my pregnancy period of 9 months, that it would take a lot of my time to pen the little details together.

Perhaps I would write about it when I have more time in the future, perhaps I wouldn't. But for now, I would like to talk about the end of my pregnancy journey, where it ended earlier than I had initially expected, and how, being a patient several times in my life, having warded one or two times prior to my pregnancy, the experience of it all during that final time before we brought my baby out into this world was a really tiring, painful one.

It all started with the breathlessness I often felt whenever I went for even the shortest walk. I believe the breathlessness started from around 7 months, or so. I thought it was perfectly normal, as giving way for the baby's growth would surpress other organs, including the lungs. So, I lived with it, until thinking back, it became difficult to even sleep due to my breathlessness. It came to a point that I had to sleep with two to three pillows to support my back. Sleeping on my right side helped, although I read that sleeping on the left would actually foster better oxygen circulation to my little baby. But I couldn't. It was just too uncomfortable.

Then, I also had very little appetite for mom's cooking. I know, she often asks me to eat the food she cooks, especially when they are all filled with good nutrients that are necessary for baby's growth. But I didn't eat much. Eating dinner every day was a struggle for me. I would prefer outside food better, but thinking back, I felt a bit nauseatic when we went to the city one weekend to eat Japanese food. Then the other time we went to eat in another Japanese dining place, I was struggling to eat my food too. I should have known better it was more complicated than that.

Oh yes, I also had this pain on my back, particularly the upper left side of my back, somewhere in the top-middle. I often asked the maid to give me a back massage. It made me feel better for awhile, but it's all momentarily.

It all worsened on the 20th of June. I was gasping for air at walking from the dining room to the living room. I spoke to sis. She pressed me to call my Doctor. Dr says it sounded more complicated than a pregnancy symptom, as it could possibly mean a respiratory issue. I admitted myself on that night itself. And never came out from the hospital until my little boy was born. 11 long days it was. 

Throughout my stay in the hospital, I was poked so many times. I think more than two dozen times. I was poked so much, I began to be afraid of needles. There was once I was poked at my elbow-bend, and they took out 5 vials of blood to be tested. Then there was this other time that the Doctor couldn't find a vein so he had to poke me again.

I was drained with a lot of antibiotics, most of which were strong ones. I was first started with Augmentin IV,  but then when my fever did not improve, they changed me to Meronem, which is known to be an expensive antibiotic. I should know, I used to work in the company that produces it. Then they had to draw out water from my lungs. Test results showed that there was water in my left lung, which solves the mystery of my constant back pain and breathlessness. A day before the procedure,  I couldn't sleep. I was in a very breathless state, even on the oxygen therapy, I did not feel like it helped much at all. My O&G watched me like a hawk. Every day for twice a day, they monitored my little baby through the CTG machine to monitor his heartbeat and my contraction stress level.

Finally, on the day that the Doctor arranged to remove the liquid from my lungs, they also checked on my little baby's amniotic fluid. I felt much much better after the liquid was removed. They lied me on my sides and poked me with a tube to drain out all that water. I think it was 500ml of liquid, initially the Doc was estimating it to be at 200-300ml. I was awake through the whole procedure. I could hear the Doctor clearly when he drew out the water from my dear lung, it sounded like someone who held their bladder for forever and then went to the toilet to release everything out. Then they tied a "pig tail", which meant that they left the syringe hanging upon the pleural space of my lung to draw out any more access fluid. That's when the short, sharp pains started, and it lasted through the night.

That night itself, my Doctor came to visit, the result tests were out, and my amtiotic fluid dropped to 1.85, which was danger zone for my little baby. She requested to remove the baby that afternoon itself, but I couldn't do it, as I was still weak from the whole procedure. I asked if we could wait until the next day, and she was agreeable to it. "First thing in the morning", she says.

At the end of the day, a good amount of 800mls or more of liquid were drawn out of my lungs. Oh my Goodness. 

I'll continue penning when I have the time. 

Little Thea

I wanna write about my little Niece. 

Her name is Thea Allyshea Low. 

And I swear, she is the cutest little baby girl ever! She has the lovely eyes of my dear sister, and long eye lashes from her daddy. She's got ample hair too, dark brown, owning most of the amount to the 'Low' side-they are known to be 'hairy' people. She's got big fat thighs, which very obviously resembles the Chongs (me, for example), and chubby feet (like me hahah) and has a very cute nose and lovely chin. Chubby cheeks definitely, a mini Michelin baby from the total baby fats that she has. Ohhhh such a darling. 

And recently we discovered her newfound talent- She loves to sing..! A chatterbox herself, sis says she loves having her daily 'conversations' about how her day went when grandpa comes home and sees her. Also, she would automatically wake up from her sleep when she senses grandpa's presence. Is it a baby's 6th sense or what?? 

I'm so blessed for technology now, because it makes FaceTime possible with my beloved family members. I call them every day, FaceTime them on most. And to be able to see that little munchkin grow to that little beauty that she is, it's such a blessing. Bro has a nickname for her, 'Burrito', simply because she likes to be wrapped like a burrito when she first arrived into this world. She has a definite character too, whereby she creases her eyebrows when she sees someone that she doesn't really like, or if she is not in the mood. 

Let me share some milestones that she has come about to achieve. 

This video is when she is able to flip herself successfully for the first time. 

This photo is when she is chilling. As u can see from this video, she is dearly, dearly loved by all at home. I guess it's normal, especially when our home is built from the foundation of much care and overwhelming amount of love love love. 

My Brother dotes on her very much, so does the rest of the family. 

And there is this video when she ate her first solid in her entire life, not Long after 6 months. :) Everyone in the family is in the living room was present in witnessing her first solid food intake. And when she first opened her mouth to eat, the whole family squealed in happiness following her every movement. Lol, can't stop watching this over and over again. Now she's learning how to eat carrots, apples, etc. 

Having a baby is a real gift. 

It's when one person can subconsciously choose to give all of himself or herself for the little one. It's an ultimate sacrifice, one with a constant and long term commitment too. But within all of the difficulties and setbacks, to bring a child into this world is a joy. It makes life worth living. It makes the world a less lonely place. It fills the house with sounds of the child's voice. It gives that warmth, and is the string that can pull loose family ties together, and strengthen close bonds. 

When I visited home, I could see how much of attention that was needed just to breastfeed and take care of a growing baby. All the sleepless nights, the latching, the engorgement. I had a newfound respect for my dear Sister who

managed to pull through it all without the extra help of a confinement nanny. And she was back onto the workforce after three months of maternity leave..! Respect, Che. FYI, your baby looks just like you when you were a little girl. :) You must be so proud. :)

I call her almost every day.

And she's very happy to see me too. 

Always smiling her teethless gum when I say hello, endearingly. 

And my heart just melts away. 

Can't wait to be a mother myself. 

My little niece. 

Lotsa love. 

To look forward to =)

Hrm...

I would love to go for a short vacation.

Initially we planned on going to Australia with hubby's good friend, but the planning was too last minute, and he couldn't get off from work.

Perhaps next time. Next year perhaps?

Then I wanted to have a staycation in Singapore. I was thinking of going to a simple place like Quincy Hotel, you know, just to get away from home kinda feel, but hubs feels that if we are going to go on a staycation which does not happen that often at all, then we should consider places like MBS.

But I disagree. I find it too expensive. If one night costs around say SGD 500 ++ a night, if I convert it is RM 1500 already.

Soooo not worth it. Yeah luxury is luxury lah, but I can easily stay in a 5 Star Hotel in Malaysia, like Mandarin Oriental KL for like I think around RM 600 a night, and still it wouldn't cost that much.

So I suggested places like Grand Lexis, or Avillion, Port Dickson.

But hubby thinks Malaysia is not a safe country to stay in for a staycation.

Discuss here discuss there, then I said, never mind lah, we save up and plan another awesome trip again next year.

Maybe to Australia or something. Or Canada? US? Nah maybe US we shall save for a few years to come, maybe 5-6 years later? Going there with the kids would be nice. They get to enjoy Disney World and love Disney characters! How awesome is that. **Ahhh daydream**

Already had an awesome honeymoon, so I'm very contented already.

One big trip a year is our target.

It's something to look forward to, definitely, so work hard and save up, and then enjoy when time permits.

Life is just too short, really. Gotta enjoy it while you can.

Still haven't done bungee jumping and sky-diving. Haven't taken that off of my list yet. But that will have to pend to a very distant future. Still.. Another thing to look forward to. =)

Lotsa love.

The Strings of Thoughts that Led to Perth

Suddenly I thought of my visit to Perth two years ago...

And the cozy home of my cousin's.

The home-made pizza made by LJ we ate on the first night of my arrival.

The two little kids. The first time we met, and their tiny sizes as opposed to the huge blue sofa. Oh so endearing. So cute!

If there was any song that would make me reminisce, it would be these few:

This was the song that kept playing on the TV while I was there...

And while my cousin was a big fan of Australia's X Factor, there were a few auditions I remember watching with her, one of my favourite being this:

That's the original song. And the audition:

Such a beautiful song.

I love it. Her voice, so peaceful, so harmless, so mature. For a young lady of 15 years of age only.

I wouldn't mind sitting in a café and hearing this lady entertain me with her voice. =)

I find so much serenity in just hearing her voice in the wind.

I wonder what happened to this singer.

Whether she made it??

Yeah, so it was just a moment of reminiscing.

Good times, really.

It would be nice to re-live those moments. But it will only be in my memories.

Coz the kids have grown, and they have moved to a much bigger house. I wonder if the new house has that sense of welcoming warmth that beckons every time you reach the entrance.

That house did.

Honestly,  I didn't think they needed a bigger house.

That house was truly spacious enough for a family of four.

But ah well, perhaps they wanted more space. And no one can dictate what they want to do with their money.

They build a brand new house from the ground, or so I've heard. I saw the piece of land that was bought. Big, very big indeed.

We wanted to make another trip to Australia, you know, just for a few days. She invited us over too. Now that the house is up. LJ is very house proud too. But with Hubs and his schedule, it's not possible. Now I'm not that fit to travel too. Good thing I didn't book my flight to Thailand with bro and daddy for this weekend.

If not, I would have had to give it a miss.

Have a good long weekend.

Lotsa love.

Jealous

We're mere humans. We live to create moments. To create an impact. 

To make a change.

A simple song, by an unknown singer who has his own sets of baggage. 

He chooses to put his heart on stage and give it his all.

And many people can relate to him.

Because we all have our sets of baggages too.

Emotions. Regrets. Perceptions. Decisions.

We think it was the right thing to do at that one point of time, but looking back, it was probably a mistake. 

Some mistakes can be avoided.

But when the time has passed, no damage control can fix it. 

At one point you thought you were right, or that it was okay, and then suddenly you realise, that you were really, really wrong.

Then live, to regret it.

We move on, through time. 

But it's moments like this that hits us and we wish things didn't go the way they went.

It's a journey. LIFE. Mistakes. 

We don't forget. 

We learn.

Lotsa love. 

Unexpected

I didn't expect this, neither did I see this coming. 

But it happened, and I guess it's my body's way of telling me that I've pushed myself a bit too much. 

That's the thing about me, always pushing to go further. That's why I always thought, I'd make a good employee. 

But now with Drs strict advise for me to rest at home, I suddenly feel that the weight has been taken off of my shoulders. 

I feel lighter, definitely. 

And it is during this moment that I feel so grateful, that I have such wonderful, helpful colleagues that is willing to help me out. 

I'm always blessed to have to work with colleagues that will go out of their way to help each other out, and not drag each other down. It was then in AZ, and it is now in here as well. In fact, I feel it more here, as my colleagues are really really nice people. Each and every one of them, truly. 

And it's for these small things that I feel, how grateful am I to have found such a good pack of ladies and man who are so fun-loving and caring. 

And who looks out for one another. 

And a boss that understands too.

Makes life seem less lonely here. 

And more belonged.  

Mom, dad and bro came to visit me as well just to see if I'm okay. Although they didn't have to at all, but they insisted. I guess the love of parents toward their children will never diminish, even through space and time. And distance. Singapore is not that close to KL, and to have them travel all the way to see me, I feel loved, and touched too, truly. Was even more surprised when the person who initiated the journey was daddy. I miss my daddy very much. And his cooking too. Although I am very grateful to have food on the table to eat when I come home from work every day all prepared by my mom in-law, but nothing beats daddy's cooking. Daddy's cooking is less lavish, more simple, definitely, but the taste fits my palette better. 

I'm not complaining. Maybe a little. 

I miss home. 

And my dear ColB too. 

And now we have another addition, Allyshea into the family so I'm pretty sure the house gets even more "warm" with all the tender, loving care activities going in there. 

She's such a lovely baby. 

Wish I could pinch her cheeks!

Lotsa love. 

Scribbles 123

 Lying on my fluffy bed that Wednesday night, all cleaned up in my lovely lavender pajamas and flipping through the channels of the TV, I realised how life has changed so much for me over the course of one year. One year ago, I was in Penang too, only that I was still in AstraZeneca, and we were here for our national conference as well. Last year I was not married, just dating, this year I suddenly feel much older. I didn't have the mood or energy to go for 'second round' or 'third rounds' like I used to. Perhaps marriage really changes you. Or maybe it's just the age, but heck, I'm only 28 years of age. Barely even, still 27 technically. 

Perhaps it's the company. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate my new colleagues. Joan, Stella, Edwin, Emily, Cara, and Sharon, they are all lovely. But nothing beats the chemistry I had with my ex-gang of AZ. Simon and I, Danial, Syam, Denesh, we were tight like glue. It was during the moments I was flipping the channels of the TV that I am fondly reminded of the years that were, how much of fun we had, especially during the first year. 

Memories that were. 

I'm grateful for the days. 

Because as some of us move on from then, like Simon is moving back to Australia, Syam is well, Syam, Denesh is more pro-management and not as wild as he used to be (like, clubbing every week, really????), Danial is in another team, and well, the biggest impact was me I guess, when I left. 

Hyacinth Msged me when I left, that mornings weren't as wonderful anymore when they reported in after I left. People say I have an infectious laugh. Lol. It all was gone when I flew to Singapore.

My new colleagues are lovely people. The environment here is different in a sense that, well it's more 'Chinese' haha, people are here definitely more demanding and less merciful, and jobs are expected to be done in a stipulated time. But I've grown to love my colleagues more and more, after some 'sync'ing definitely hahaha. But they are all lovely, most of them are moms, so they have a very fun-loving nature, very 'maternal'. Cara is more of the 'Tai tai' attitude lady, Edwin is our only thorn of the roses, Emily is Organised and compliant, Sharon is bubbly, warm and funny, Joan is the sweetest and Stella, OMG she's so cute! 

But back to GSK Singapore, I must say that in every possible way, the way they work in Singapore is so much better. The people are so damn efficient it scares a Malaysian like me..! Hahah yes I'm still a Malaysian lol. And if you think you are on one level that is above the majority in Malaysia, trust me when I say, you are the mass majority in comparison to Singapore standards, unless you are just that good. Well I would humbly feel that it's the former for me. There is still so much to learn. 

Yes, I am still my aggressive self, but I Guess it has dawned upon me that I'm here working not to earn a living, but just to pass my time. Although the environment's competitiveness affect me (I am quite kiasu sometimes), but I have to constantly remind myself that I do not need to be in the rat race anymore as I do not need to worry about things like mortgages and loans and banks. Perhaps I'll plan another trip again with my love from the money I've worked. Or invest in Malaysia. Am thinking of building another few buildings in my hometown since the ROI is not too bad and I have a steady income now, so it's good to magnify the income. And oh, it's so awesome to work here because I'm taking 1/3 of the time I used to work in Malaysia to save X amount of money hahaha. I'm so grateful..! Talk about ka-Ching Ka-Ching! 

But nothing too Rush, really. 

There is more to come, definitely.

But I'm taking it one step at the time. 

Lotsa love. 

The Chapters of YesterYear

It's customary every year that when the year closes, I'd pen a note to summarize how it went. 

I logged into Facebook and I saw ample posts of how everyone summarized their year, and I Guess they storied around similar routes, going through happiness, hitting some walls, overcoming some bumps, gained so much, lost so much, and came out victorious at the very end. Of course, that would just be the tip of the ice-berg summary, coz its FB lah OMG, you can't story your whole in-depth yearly life experiences and expect people to not figuratively throw eggs on ya hahaha. 

But well, *Long deep breath*... If I had to summarize my life in one sentence, it would be exactly what I have anticipated from my year end post of 2014. CHANGE. It would be a year of change. And it is exactly what I have anticipated it to be, if not better. After my promotion, I decided to end my journey with AstraZeneca. Gave up my job, my potential career of already moving to a marketing role, and left everything, my friends, my dear family, my doggy, all for one person. I guess sometimes in life, you WOULD really do crazy things for love. But I should consider myself lucky, to be able to do something that not many people can do, or would do, or would want to do but does not have the opportunity to.

I was "jobless" for several months. Well, it was actually by choice. I was offered several jobs that I could have just taken if I needed a job, but well, I didn't take it up for several reasons. I moved to another country, and got myself acclimated to a new country altogether. I am grateful for the support that my Boyfriend turned fiancé and finally husband gave to me at that very duration, because I wouldn't have been able to do it without him. On top of that, I was busy planning a wedding, and a honeymoon, in which the latter did not take place due to a circumstance. 

I became a married woman last year. 

Yeap, I have given up my single-hood officially and decided to settle down with the man who would have my heart for the rest of my life. 

I think I had a beautiful wedding.

It was also a simple, lovely wedding. 

Only invited 100 of my most important people in my life.

We made it very, very simple, due to the fact that the wedding was supposed to be cancelled initially, but we decided to proceed with it nonetheless because the invitations were all sent out.

So we made it, very very simple. Almost minimalist.

Of course, we didn’t compromise on the food.

Every one of my friends and my dad’s friends who were typical food critics gave compliments to the 

chef.

We asked for the hotel’s most expensive wedding menu. It was nothing short of an array of dishes which started with the 5 Seasons Hot and Cold Dish, then it was the Sharks fin soup ( was really contemplating on this one because Sean and I weren’t into killing any more sharks, but gave in to dad’s request, duck, pomphret fish (correct spelling? Haha), prawns, vegetables with sea cucumber and abalones, and two desserts.

Gave some tables to daddy and mummy of course. 

We didn’t take the ang pow money.

Sean gave it all to my parents to keep. We didn’t take a cent. But Sean paid for everything. 

He has always been so gracious with his money. I guess that’s how you define a man. It’s not really the fact on how much you make a year or a month, but really, how you treat people the money that you have that defines your level of graciousness. I still have a lot to learn from this man, especially when it comes to money. Trust me, I am not so gracious.

We planned a honeymoon but well, it’s postponed. My heart was very pained when we didn’t take the flight on the day of the departure, since everything was already paid for, but we did it with very good reason, and looking back, both of us were so glad we didn’t board that flight that very night. I guess we can always earn back the money, but money cannot be compared lost time with the closest of family.

However, I don’t know how am I going to go for a three weeks honeymoon, now that I am working.

But I guess my boss would understand. After all, honeymoon is like, a once in a lifetime kinda thing right?

But three weeks? Hrm.. Probably I’m just gonna try two. *smiles*

I miss my family very much. Everything here in Singapore is better in every possible way, the money is better, the lifestyle is better, the facilities are much better too. But nothing beats the warmth of presence of my dear family members and close friends. They say, that home is where the heart is, and the warmth of my heart is mainly filled by everyone back at home and the familiar faces. 

Let's hope for a better year 2016 ahead. I believe, it is going to be another year of change too. I'm praying for the best. =)

lotsa love.