Twist-Spin

Ever felt so big, yet feel so small all at the same day before?

It took me a series of wrong turns on foot to end up in the room that I was. Funny how it never made me feel goosebumps. It was just a simple, large, very steep room, but it gave me chills.

I remember a sign saying Lecture 2. But it didn't look like a simple lecture hall, not comparable to Sheffield's nor TARC's infamous DK D or ABB or which ever big lecture room I've ever sat on..

I reckon it's one of those rooms where the brightest specialists and medical practitioners of the country shared some critical insights and made some useful discoveries.

Suddenly I feel so small in the world of medicine..

If only I had a little more passion in Science back then (or I didn't hate my Biology teacher-Puan Jasminder) and had a lot more love for meticulous behaviour, and less of a damn klutz, perhaps I could be sitting in rooms like this one, performing surgeries and having intelligent conversations and discussions on clinical studies. With the walls up high and the seats all lined up, it gave me goosebumps to even just be standing in there. The structure of the whole lecture was so steep, so steep that if I was the lecturer, I'd be so darn stressed up to be standing at the lecturer's station-the focal point. And if someone were to fall from the top most, man, would humpty-dumpty have a great fall!!

.....

Suddenly I miss my good old days.

Miss that cozy lecture hall.

Miss scribbling on my notes and drawing crap out of even more crap.

Miss making my lecture notes all so colourful with my favourite highlighter colours-Green, Yellow and Orange, and not paying attention sometimes..

Miss being a student...

...Don't we all???

***

And in another setting,

There I was, looking at a blue-lit incubator with a little neonate inside, nothing bigger than the tip of my middle finger to my elbow, and I never, never knew how fragile a baby could be.

It was a girl, surname Tan. She was barely 35 weeks old.

She was saved from Curosurf. Two viles of the lung surfactant were used on her, and it was not on a prophylaxis basis.

I was held in an incubator before, back then when I was a few days old. I had health complications at the age of five days old, but it was because of the medication back then that I was able to survive and experience so much and be who I am today (well, barely anybody yet but I'm happy)..And now I'm looking at a baby who shared the same sort of experience.

I looked at her with so much joy, to know that she will have a chance to the world and all its beauty in the near and far future. Suddenly I felt so big. Left the NICU ward with contentment. =)

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lotsa love.