Wow. Like WOW really.

I'm tired. 

Emotionally drenched. 

Physically strained. 

Mentally sickened. 

Yes, I managed to hit my target. My effing high target. 

Thinking back, I'm still figuring out how I did it. Which is why it's nearing 3 in the morning and I am unable to sleep. I'm overwhelmed with mixed feelings..! Pure contentment, and disbelief, somehow a bit sad that I had to go through all the BS, but still grateful to God (He made it happen) that I managed to pull through, closing a gap that is the biggest in my record thus far. 

It's been a crazy, crazy ride. Gosh even crazy is an understatement. There were tears too. On the phone, with John. Poor man, I had to put him in such an uncomfortable place. But he was the right person to call for a word of advice. 19 years in the industry? Like omg la how did he survive? More importantly, I'm asking myself, how could I have allowed myself to cry over a job? 

Perhaps it's the ego, the 'want to hit' mindset, the ample dissapoinment, the pressure, the fact that every one else is on the mark but me.

And yes, ohh yes am I relieved to be able to make it yet again in the streak of records. A record I thought was impossible to maintain looking at things just a day ago. Success is sweet. 

Here's the problem.

I'm not that happy about it anymore. 

Here I am, closing to 3am thinking, what did I do wrong and right? How did I even manage to pull through??? It's not mentally possible even. If you look at the facts and figures. Even Danial asked me to give the hell up coz it was too far. A gap of 60K. One product. Danial: that's crazy man.,! Give up and tidur edy la.

Anyone in the right mind would have given up. Period. 

But I didn't. 

Guess that makes me a super rep, they say?? 

Yes, I hit. And yes, I have more savings now. And yes, I'm happy. 

But was it all worth it??? 

NO. It still is a NO. 

Time to expand my wings and look for another job soon. 

I'm done with sales.